A Long Night

Another year around the sun and we are nowhere close to where we need to be. The misguided intentions of those in power is enough to make every family break. I can’t tell you all the ways my government has failed us and how I no longer have faith in their ability to preserve the human race. Taking away every right we have ever beem granted when we were brought to life.

I just watched a mother eliminate her whole family because of the demons in her head. She felt that the end of the world was coming so she killed her family instead. She started with her husband while he was asleep in his head. He never even saw it coming as she fired the bullet close range to his head. She moved on to where her 16 year old daughter slept. Shot her once in the chest so she vomited then another bullet point blank to her head. Ever hear a gun shot ring out in the middle of the night? Her 12 year old son sleeping on the couch did, he knew that something wasn’t quiet right. As her son looked up at her he begged his mom for his life. Terror taking over him as he soiled himself before she shot himself dead. This tirade of terror rocks me to my core. It’s a testament that we can not control anybody other than ourselves and that is telling so let me tell you a bit more. She tucked him back into sleep before she moved into the kitchen and shot herself square in the middle of the head. Her reasoning for everything is a foreshadowing from the Bible nothing more.

Imagine a life where you are so consumed with the possibility of what could be instead of what is. Sure legends and tales have been handed down to us to try and warn us but they have mostly been taken out of context and used to control an unruly mob. That is who we are when we fail to become the elitist, the top 1 percent. What does one need with a billion dollars when you have a billion more screaming for food. Imagine! Instead of swimming inside your vault like Scrooge McDuck, make it so more humans are even, it wasn’t our fault just bad luck. Ever thought and wonder what if or how is this my life and why do these bad things keep happening to me?

I never talked about it at all because it’s not my story but my husband’s high school buddy was found dead downtown and he left behind his own family. Alone in his own addiction he took to the streets for his feed and was found by the beat police where he was found frozen cold. He left behind his children and of course all of his other family. We live in an existence where it’s more likely we will end up barrying our children and that is incredibly alarming. Isn’t it? Shouldn’t it be? I have no idea anymore. All I know for sure is if the bully don’t take our children their mental illness will.

The unrealistic pressure we put on the day to day in order to make us feel invigorated in some sort of way is our demise. Well the beginning of it anyways. Everybody has an opinion and it is always contradictory to yours, am I right? You know it’s true. I do it too. Decades of being the victim I still play the part even though the reality of it is all that was a lifetime ago. I don’t know any other way than to play the part. What would that mean to me if all that abuse never happened? If I never played the part of the victim and found a way to honor the child I was before it all got blown out of proportion and I was made out to feel some sort of way. Never destined to be good enough or even invited out to play I was born to be a loner. A loner in abundance what it means to be alive. I feel comfort amongst the inadequate life that finds a way to embrace me in such a way that man could never. The lifeline of all that surrounds us should be the drive and center of how he will one day find our way home. That is my biggest fear I suppose is the eternal afterwards of isolation and an unforseen existence. Those that I have loved once I can love no more as I begin to look towards eternity. One step forward to forever back. You can’t win for trying and there is no one there to help you when you try to make your way back.

To me that plants and animals that surround me or anything but inadequate. They give me the courage and faith to face each day no matter the abundance of the evils of the world. We are able to try and control the relevance of our destiny all things considering if we can keep on some sort of righteous path. Not holy but honorable and pertainable to your life. What makes your soul ignite long into the night warming the undesirable heathens. You know the ones. The ones just like you and me. The ones who are being shunned for just asking to be allowed to breathe. To allow others the chance to live their best lives with you by their side. We can go about this journey alone but it wouldn’t be so fulfilling. We were put onto this Earth to interact and play until somebody got the idea that only one should be able to feel this way. What a shame. What a waste. There us truth in what they say and believe we should be fearful of the unknown evil that keeps us awake long into the night.

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