The meaning to life wasn’t to watch the most basic of rights be taken away. When I consider the realm of possibilities being held down by big pharma was never one of them. Is it just me that questions the notoriety of one the most violent serial killers of all times was said to be a Doctor, maybe that had always been our sign. The monsters come alive at night while the rest of us are sleep and color the roads and side streets with the color of each other’s blood.

Two years of a mind blowing numbness with no end in site. There is no more freedom that  comes with living they are taking our ability away to have a choice. Was this the terror that our ancestors used to live in with the big eyes beast of greed always continuing to feed.  This is insanity in its most simplistic form. Life as we have come to know it will forever be out of grasp and out of control. But what have we become to understand and no? Preconceived notions of how life and living was meant to be. Life has always been evolving but has our minds remained the same? Frivolous with our true intentions we will forever be blinded by all the lies. Isn’t that what this was all about? Trying to find a way to manage through this life without losing all control. I get overwhelmed most days don’t you? We all have the same 24 hours to make it count but most are too scared to see what they can actually do.

I like to consider the minds of those the people who claim to be in charge like to forget or even halt. Book burnings, exaltation and just the overall corruption of trying to impose on how others think. There is so much to be learned by absorbing your surrounding, that is until our government comes into play. Ask yourself what right does anybody have to impose limitations and restrictions onto us. Telling us how to feel and how to love like it is impossible to control the being inside of us. We have been led astray and we no longer can trust ourselves. How is it we have come so far without knowing what true living and light is all about?

There is so much that goes into living. All the ins and the outs. It is hard to know what is true winning when there is nobody around to hear our shouts. The meaning of life goes far beyond all these jems, jewels and baubles but it is curious to note the intent of power hiding and amongst those beauties. Humans have long gravitated towards all things that were shiny. I didn’t appreciate the significance or the importance until I opened my mind to the concept.

What is the significance of the royal vault and all the items that were stolen. Family heirlooms and jems stolen from wars and raids we can only be privy to actually know. What crawls under my skin is the blood shed in other countries and the looting that occurred. Ever think the reason why other countries are so poor is because the bigger countries came to their borders and looted, raped and stole? No good ever came out of history that is why they have corrupted the content we read. How can one connect the dots when some are already missing you will be pulling your hair out and a little bit more. The puzzle never made sense with so many dynamic pieces so why are some so quick to be petty?

Where does one go when there life gets too easy and the women fall too hard. That is what destroyed me. My inability to let go. Consumed with the possibility of something so forbidden I as never supposed to know. Like every fable or tale ever handed down I struggle with the interpretation of what it all means. There was a time I was so certain now I may never know. Well I do know for certain but I guess I am still hesitant I wish I could know all the things my heart is so desperate to know.

J sm guarded because I forever have to be. I hate who I am because of all the ill will I do hide. Like a festering melting point run into over drive I am exhausted and I yearn to just let go but there is something that still stops me and makes me feel sick cuz I just don’t know. I can’t live like this forever in a head state. I hate everything that makes this moment human now I am over it just let me go. I hate you and all the lies you promised me but in essence it is me at fault and I know that. I am tired and weak now too much so please save me from drowning. There’s nobody to save me so I slip away and let go…

But I end up saving myself because for now my infinite energy is confined inside this entity and this purpose of being and sense of purpose I am just beginning to know. There is an honor that comes in just being here and being able to experience this moment so no matter how trying it is I am not ready to even think of letting go. Than the truth comes in and thatcan never be taken away from me that when thus moment of time is ready to it will just split us apart and take this moment away. How I long to experience that moment between divine and forever eternity I am too scared of the living but I am more scared to let go. Can I just be fabulous for one more moment in the presence of those who loved me most? Can they breathe the life of youth one more time right back onto me I will settle for one more hug and a squish of the cheek before they go.