Making Life Ugly

What I love most about being human is the more real and authentic one becomes the more others try desperately to block your light. Try it. Begin radiating your energy a little differently and watch the rabid vultures begin to fly. It becomes apparent that their easily angered and put off by other people’s happiness and success and that in life my friends should be all you need to know. Those who are constantly trying to snuff out another beings light has the illest of intentions intertwined into what they do. The buck stops outside my doorway. I will never let ignorance get a strong hold and I will pay it no mind. Those with less than superior motives always appear out of nowhere like they have always belonged. They are nothing more than evil opportunists looking for an opening to relinquish their dirty work. They are here to profit off the fear of those around us leaving an obnoxious trail of self entitlement for all to see.

Too many billions of energy and light sources have altered the life’s ahead of us as they continue to unfold in rates that we can no.longer control. That our divine purpose has become so convoluted as we look for new and dynamic ways to keep others in our control. Others authenticity cracking at the seems as their jealousy and ego’s grow at such proportions they will forever and always seem like they are spinning out of control. Those that can’t see past these bodies they find themselves confined in are the ones we should be alarmed with. Those that are quick to judge and throw stones like they live in a rose colored force field that only they can control. I see you and hear the words you speak to try and win others over and it is those words in the end that will become your own demise.

Life is kinda easy to understand but we need it to mean something more. The masses insist on feeding your paranoia and making it so you can never see anything beautiful that lays deep down inside. I mean it is hard for me to see past the hell others insist on laying down. You know their misguided filth and mind that makes it impossible for anybody in life to ever get along. My heart hurts and it hurts to breathe just the same. My physical body is ailing as my mental mind forges on.

All we have control over is what we die for. Let that resonate deep. The only thing we can control in this moment is the moment we find ourselves in and how we chose to react. I wanted to change my world. I HAD to change my world. My son and his life demanded me to change everything I was. I am still learning what it means to be human and how can I use that power to release my soul and come alive. It has been a year since my baby dropped from inside of me and all the friends I thought I knew used my moment of weakness to watch me crumble up and die. I have never felt such hate come forth in and amongst a group of women and it was in that one moment that all I wanted to do was die. The women I thought would come to me and offer me support threw me out in shark infested waters and hoped that I wouldn’t survive. They needed my light and how controversial it was to shut itself off and die.

Justice, service and love that never ends. Love wins. Lead by inspiration. Be the reason why another being doesn’t feel alone in this world. That the power that lays inside of each of us can be the source of reason that allows another person to come alive. I needed to swim but all I wanted was to sink. That all the horrors in the world were being laid out in front of me so I had to do what I had done and that was to close myself off from the outside world.

All I ever wanted to do was to believe in something good. That if you led with honestly and faith that would be all you needed until you take your last breath. Sure there is honor but you can’t miss out on the truth. Everything we have done to each other was out of profit, fortune and sometimes fame. The one who rises to fame at the expense at another will always keep me on edge. How can you allow another to suffer? This world is hard enough as it is. My whole life all I ever wanted was to be loved. I search for it daily in those that I know but I fear that I will forever not find it. My Grandfather’s and Grandmother’s are and my Dad doesn’t want to know me. I would scream but no one is listening what is the sense if nobody can hear me?

My biggest fear is what people say when you are around so I chose not to be. I live like I was 5 years old again to scared to be noticed but also too scared that nobody will notice me. Those that speak ill of those they claim to be friends with have me heading for the hills. Bonus points for being ugly when you laugh at another’s domestic situation and how those caught in that web are subject to abuse. There is no beauty to be found in another person’s demise. These are the people who make living ugly and have me pulling out my hair. What is the sense of keeping those around that you can’t even trust. They will sell you out faster than anybody you have ever come to know.

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