A Moment in Time

For as long as I can remember we have been made to feel insignificant. Inferior at best. Yet we all try to live our best lives whatever that could possibly mean. All the lies that have happily been handed down to the next generation allowing another bloodline to continuously feed their best. That is who we have allowed ourselves to become when we fail to become anything else.

My dreams are just a toxic foreshadowing of what’s to come. Feeding my insecurities to try  and get me to bend a certain way. The proof is in the pudding if you know what I mean. Open up the pages and begin to read between the lines. You can see they have been laying down the groundwork for centuries beyond our time.

Internal wars on home soil will begin our demise. We watched thousands run rampant on their capital now my country is pulling up the line. The world’s biggest convoy is coming down on our government. The coward is probably out surfing somewhere or taking a new profile pic at the great wall of China. See how that works. While our children die on the streets from a mental health pandemic we all could have predicted he remains silent. 91 children were found at another Residential School but moms the word let’s make it all about vaccinations. This my mind stalls at and I can see now how we were all misled. Books were published to misinform us now tell the truth in the hopes that one day we can break bread. So my mind snapped. I can’t believe all the lies.

Play the game our way. Do as we do and you will never get anywhere beyond having one foot in the grave. Follow us and make us wealthier beyond our dreams but please stop putting out your hands. Listen to what I say and believe in me so hard it will become everything that you are. Help me fulfill my wildest dreams and I promise to cover you up when I am done.

Ever feel like you are a piece of somebody else’s master plan? Keep doing as they made you believe them keep on wondering how you are going to get your next fill. Like an addict looking for a collapsed vein you never know how bad things are until they are completely out of your hands. That is how I feel at times. Watching all the things we as humans obsess over and the things we will take to our graves.

Now we have to consider our dreams. Do they try and tell us something our taint us to become something more? I am beginning to venture outside of my house to spend time with women that I actually value. Their warm, enveloping energy has lured me in all too willingly and there doesn’t seem to be any alarm bells going off. Until I dream. They come to me in my dreams. Not anybody in particular but a being that is hell bent in destroying all that is me.

I don’t believe these women would ever intentionally harm me but my interactions with other humans has made me feel so insecure. I am scared. I try not to be. I try to inspire others but I am still a shell that is just me. Decades of being made to feel not good enough I look for anything to hold onto. I guess I could look towards Jesus but I prefer to find the light. The light that came to find me as I lay dying the day my son was born. I scream to hear my own voice because that moment has made me feel so alive.

I feel guilty in saying it was my Dad’s mother but truth be told she is the only one that came. She was wearing her brown and orange flowered polyester dress and her grey kitten heeled pumps. She gathered her hands in her apron and told me to visit more as she wouldn’t be around much more. She had scars on her fingertips from all the vegetables she would peel. I can close my eyes and she is all around me. She is everything I have become so I want to protect her. When somebody says something out of sorts I think of her and am comforted by her light.

I feel weird in a world where I truly don’t belong. All I want is to feel loved in a world that doesn’t even know where to begin to be nice. All the problems of the world can just melt away if we can remember what it means to be human and how good it feels just to play. To be able to let your guard down without that proverbial knife looking for a back. I heard of beings being able to play nice. Maybe that means there is something wrong with me but more than likely it means the problem lays within you.

The moments I remember with my father are mostly of insight so maybe I will pass down what he taught me and move it onto you. When I asked my father about God and why we didn’t go to church he told me the answers that others were so desperate to seek lay deep down inside of me. That those who needed reassurance in another entity or being needed to come together in such a way. I had to ask these questions as the closest friend I have ever known had welcomed Jesus into her life everyday. What does that mean? What about me? As a young girl trying to understand the living this little piece of information was devastating to me. How can some follow while others are led astray? And what does this have to do with being human when we are constantly worrying about salvation and what lays in wait on the other side. Can’t we all just live? Why can’t we all just be free? With so many limitations being imposed onto us I think I prefer a reality where I just drift off and dream.

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