The notion that there is something more deserving than the energy we find ourselves in possession of should sound off all the alarm bells in our heads. But it doesn’t. And we journey on none the wiser to the entity we carry inside of us.
Repeat after me and say it over and over again until it becomes you…ENERGY NEVER DIES JUST CHANGES FORM. What do those words mean to you and can you now use them to excuse away your own insecurities now realizing that there is not much you can do when it is your time to move on. When the energy that lays dormant inside of you finally reaches it’s release there is nothing more that you can do than watch it lazily changing form. That entity that you once knew as your friend and confidante now becomes released into the air, birds and trees. The wind lifts away the last haunted melodies of their soulful echo as the lifeless being that now lays beside you is returned back to the Earth once again as it has always been.
I don’t want to acknowledge to the world I am different but if I keep lying to myself I well never heal from all my damages nor will I ever find the strength that resides in me to move on. What I saw reflected in the eyes of a stranger was compassion and pure hatred for a friend I loved unconditionally without question or reason. The knife in my back was all I needed to come alive citing once again never be taken advantage again or be taken out of here alive. Too often fake friends get comfort in their own scandalous lies that prays to be knocked over by every Tom, Dick and Jane that is brave enough to even try. Oh that impervious girl gang and all the carnage that lays underneath their feet. Those beings that don’t have an honest bone in their body and would rather hold your head under then to try and get your help. I am tired of living at the bottom of the barrel becoming to shy to share my own worth because in sharing the fortune that was given to me that makes me a braggart at best. I always told the world I would never give up in the dream of being all that I could be and I will do it from an exquisitely, intoxicating pile of homegrown kush grown by me. I always knew I was meant to love this herb. Like an activist for all that is highly intoxicating and very forgiving on my brain.
Pickle me with Effexor and look at the rubble and ash that my life has become. I lost a baby here in my kitchen in front of my family there is not to many more damaging things one can experience I think here on Earth. Damaging I said. Not horrific. There are momma’s who barry their children and I know there is no greater hell here on Earth. As a mom we know we are supposed to go before our children. We brace them for that day. Nobody tells us how to feel when the inevitable happens usually at the hands of anothers depraived ways. We are always told to remain in control and then another person loses their ability and somebody we love pays the ultimate price? Why? Why do we live in a world where we are more sympathetic to those who are deranged than the loving entities that stole from us forever severing their presence from this world. Isn’t that what evil does? Isn’t that how evil wins? By taking away all that is righteous and removing it from this world. How do we turn the odds in our favour if we allow these beings to keep on taking from us. My heart hurts. My being hurts. Take the time to honour those that have fallen who were prevented from ever standing back up. How is it that I am the only one who sees other beings as being worthy of acknowledgement instead not even a mention of what might have been. I see you. I remember your presence on my timeline. Want to take a moment to come on board and experience what it feels like to come alive one more time? Join with me in a union of the way humans should have been as we both serve as a reminder of how to love.
I cry. Oh I cry. I cry at such a rate I bathe in salt just to stock back up. I don’t want to become too imbalanced of the science of being human especially when I just came back to experience what it means to be human one more time before I go again. Oh that day when I get to go back again I know it is nothing to be feared or put off. I cringe at what we do to prolong the inevitable especially when our minds have made up we are no longer one for this world. I watched the care home pickle my Grandfather with a concoction of pills to keep him to live. Blood thinners, thickeners, uppers, downers, pills to help you sleep pills to help you get up pills to try to make you remember then there are the ones that were designed to make you forget. The only thing that was so abundant in his last 9 years is how much he suffered. He just lost his wife of 60 plus years and now found yourself in a home where nobody visits. It’s not that they didn’t it just served no memory if they did as you always asked for your beloved with the tears on your cheeks. All I wanted was to hold you but that would have looked and felt so weird. You thought I was a nurse who came to visit. You forgot I was your Granddaughter after all these years. I had to go. I needed to visit. You were the man who meant so much to me and you did so much for our family to ensure that they lived. You gave my Grandmother a home until the day that she died then you went to a place in your mind where only you and her could find. Anywho I digress the point of all this is do I not think of their memory because it is in the past too? Why can’t I honour their legacy and make amends to ensure that others do too?
For now I am going to keep marching around in my faux bunni slippers while dipping my fins into a local pond, stream or lake. I mean I am just going to keep living my life embracing my spiritual being! Want in on the joy here’s where to find me! As always JUST KEEP SWIMMING AND SEE YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE!!
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