Authentically Alive

Who are you accountable in your world or do you always maintain you ability to keep a level head? Are there people and moments that are more irritating that others or can you maintain your calm inside this volatile world? Can you join the world on your times without losing sight of who you are? Or do you need to compromise your own truth to make another happy and how long do you think you can manage living that way?

My truth is I am highly volatile with my emotions and I am trying to gain control in some way. Does that make sense? Maybe I am going a touch insane but don’t they say life becomes more manageable when you go about it differently? Why live among a pack of rabid dogs that only want to feed off your carcass and throw away your bones. Some people are naturally just hell bound and determine to live their life that way. They are malicious with their intentions and use their words and mannerisms as weapons. I don’t know why an eye roll just does it to me but nothing pushes me over the edge faster. Nothing gives me the ol heave ho into the the other direction that seeing another’s discontent spread across their face. There is no more place for my emotions to go so I fly off into an extreme case of rage. I mean why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t you? Our whole lives we have been conditioned to believe this rat race we find ourselves in and you have to believe there has to be more to life than just what it seems. Why are we here and if we go some place after this and it is supposed to be bliss there is no way I want to spend eternity with 99% of you. And that means eternity so does that even make sense? At least the Universe is infinite so we must just dissolve into it.

Remember the working days of 9 to 5 with weekends off? Ha! Just barely right! When groceries stores closed at a reasonable hour because most of those already were at home cooking for their families. Families used to be the lifeline and heart of our existence but mankind perverted all that. They turned us all into working slaves where we can’t appreciate anything living on Earth. Yesterday was hard. So hard. But what do you expect when you have the birthstone of Mars on your ring fingers. An extinct piece of red coral that was only found in an estate made into 6 triangles to help harness it’s truth and power. The mistake was thinking I could where this without any repercussions because where I did go was rather dark. There was a lot of fire and demonic activity, I am not kidding you my mind just went off the deep end. Triggered by constant nagging and poking I could literally feel the light get sucked out of my body. Ha! My first mistake was thinking that I could just adorn this ring. Respect. It all boils down to respect. Respect the bloodline of those that have befell you and honour their existence on your timeline. I didn’t respect the ring and I can see my fault in that. Today I appreciate the sacrifice that this red corral brings. Plucked from the ocean way before my time. It saddens me to know that over 100 years we haven’t learned a dang thing. We have gotten worse with our intent on destroying everything living and of course each other. Honour the lives in front of you no matter how inanimate they may seem. Respect their timeline as much as you should respect your own. In my life I am constantly enlightened but I pay the price for allowing myself to be so exposed and eventually raw.

If I could be anything in this world I would be peaceful and happy so I really need to focus on exactly what that could even mean. To myself I need to honour my own presence over and above anything and every one else. Not in a disrespectful way of course. I would never want to impede my time on another’s heart. Maybe before but I have come so far from that. What I want is a life that is energized and honourable, I think I can manage myself best when I am like that. Yesterday in my mania I remember thinking just pull inside yourself make yourself small. It’s like I am not ready to be exposed fully to the world even though I have been setting myself up for years. All I truly want to feel is a loving, caring heart. I don’t care what you look like on the outside it all depends on how your energy exudes and moves around the room. To be the source of power that is instantly uplifting is the greatest gift on Earth. If only we can keep that within us constantly it would be like a little piece of Heaven here on Earth. Which leads us to the loaded question do you believe in Heaven or do you think you will have more like if you found yourself residing in Hell. To me it would signify that there has to be a way to decipher all this energy. Did you come to the land of the plenty and wish good upon others or did you keep taking in sums that were more than plenty. There has to be retribution for how we conduct ourselves in this life. Ask yourself what it is that you believe and know that in the end it is the same for everybody. There is no proof other than we are energy that moves along and changes forms. That is why science is so quick to pull the wool over our eyes because they don’t want to allow us to see what they uncovered.

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