There is something that comes over when faced with the very real possibility that your son maybe Autistic. For the very obvious reasons it becomes a whirlwind of emotions that even the sanest of souls could hardly control. There are all the accusations that in life all you have been is a failure and now you have passed that inherited trait down to another line. I mean I was already shunned by a man I regarded as my saviour and for the last 2 decades I have been left feeling disoriented and out of sort.
We all have a parent we connect with. I mean we can connect with both but the nature of the relationship will develop into something completely out of our control. In my mind my Dad was the perfect being that has ever walked this Earth and it pains me to know that he doesn’t feel the same. Reading through the pages of what my son’s life could possibly look like it takes everything inside of me not to hold my breath. Why is all this happening to me starting with these poisonous thoughts that my sons life is not the blessing I believed but the curse. Depending on who you talk to in life they can either build you up or rip you down. I avoid those that would rather scatter my remains among the rubble instead of trying to make it a little less stressful with my time here on Earth.
Depending on who you talk to will feed the fire that rages inside you. That is why my life feels like a complete disaster it is hard these days to see who is coming and what emotions in turn will begin to drag me down. I never thought this would be a possibly but even now that it is why should I be made to feel ashamed. There is nothing wrong with a being that is Autistic, it is society that has perverted our thinking that way. From the very beginning these beautiful babes just stepped into a world that didn’t even want to begin to even understand. The problem with a being that is Autistic is they want to live their lives as authentically as they can. They don’t want to steal and for the most part they abide by the law. They take words for the literal meaning of them and don’t understand why other humans would want to betray. There is no fear or hesitation to embrace their passion like we do. There is no mountain worth climbing or knowing about when your intelligent brain encourages you to do so. No desire to fill it up with facts that serve no purpose in your life. Some believe the Autistic brain is what comes with evolution now I have challenged myself to read Darwin’s Theory on Relatively. I remember reading bits and pieces of it and school but now I need to know the intimate details that can be found on every page. What I love about life is its desire to survive and now I am off to uncover why our brain would desire to move in that way.
The secret to life is there is no secret. Live your life as authentically and organically as possible without hurting or harming others in doing so. What comes alive when life enters the room is the ability to feel love and be the product of that entity. To be the reason why somebody smiles when you enter the room instead of cringing can tell you honestly one or two things. Is it you that is the problem if all you here is groans? And if the energy of the room is that effected by your presence do you turn and leave or work to make it better? Do you entertain the emotional vampires that come out and play? Content on our demiseu and decay like their words are golden and should have the final say. Everybody claims that when given the chance to stand up and make a difference they will rise up to the occasion and make it right. Not really though. Or maybe you will. Just 99% of the population forget their roots and their rise to fame and can’t pay the respects to the fallen or their mother’s maiden name. Get the f*ck out of here with that. Now that I had the chance to see your true colors I would rather drink the poison than befriend you. Like a Phoenix I will rise from the Ashes with only the scars from your betrayal being seen from those I leave behind me. I see your game and I raise you 50 cents. An eye for an for the ones that have fallen pay your respects or be prepared to lose your fame and all that. Muc drop. Or just comon sense. I sure hope to Hannah we aren’t going to the same place now that I see how you betrayed your best friends.
Ah they have fallen but what happens when they decide to rise? Can we all on the energy to rise up inside us to serve as their living legacy, their last opportunity to be heard and be fed. By fed on the knowledge that their words still fuel my fire and feed the very hunger that comes into my soul. To live my life in a fraction of their will and honor would be the biggest accomplishment and living testament on Earth. It is all in what you believe and what you most want to be known for. Do you chew off the hands that gave you an opportunity because they no longer have the luxury to return the favor? What did you live for becomes what are you willing to die for? Do you sit there and do nothing all day or do you find a way ignite you?
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