Kept At Arms Length

Evil is as evil does and with both eyes closed I can feel your negatively energy intuitively. I have been feeling this chilled air following me from room to room but now that I know the source I can finally address it and in some way maybe accept it. You have to be careful of those you let close because like a serpent they will lash out and eat you whole one day. There was a reason why some are always kept at an arms length and why others at least get a chance. I mean it does take two to tango but for how long does one get to claim they can’t dance. Stop two stepping on my toes and just sashay away. No hard feelings now the trigger was pulled just don’t move my way if you ever begin to feel like you miss me. You will miss me. They all sooner or later will. Maybe that is what drove you to want to push me away but that is ok now I see right through you. Never again. No more eye for an eye. I knew from the very beginning it was an evil I was opposing no hard feelings we are who we are.

Only Lady Gaga can tell us we were born a certain way and have the power in her voice to make us soulfully believe it. Like in an Earth shattering way when we need it most. Something to believe in as we all struggle to find something to believe in once more. Don’t Blink. George Floyd. Don’t Blink. Never ending pandemic. Don’t Blink. More Police Brutality. Don’t Blink. Convoy. Don’t Blink. World War. It is time now to try and live the life we all thought we were going to have time to live for and more. As a Canadian woman what choice do I have in what is going on over seas? Can I go and fight and leave my family and house unattended. Would that be responsible for the life that I was born in? Yes I recognize the need to help in some sort of way but short of joining the army is it possible to help in another way. Try to encourage my son to grow up being responsible and try to learn, REALLY learn about all the traditional ways of being. Something weird has happened here and I can’t put my finger on it but it has been happening for thousands of years. When did land, power and division became all that one wanted to live for? Does that make sense what is happening here?

We have to go back to when we began to remember our own existence and when we desired it to be more superficial in meaning. My grandparents lived off the land and their parents before that too. I can’t imagine an existence more blissful so I am working towards appreciating all that I have and do. There isn’t many alive who would let their wife care for so many beings. Of course he is in on it in some ways but come on have you seen this place. There is so much to do as I buzz joyously from room to room. I don’t have much time for much these days as I do struggle to fit it all in. Some things aren’t as important such as reading or blogging or even taking pictures. What is most important is everything that is breathing and living so they always get my absolute fullest attention. Because I am able to live in such a way I can see the beauty in my Grandmother’s life. I appreciate her struggle and everything that she did. That is why I encourage my husband to go see his because I know that sinking feeling one gets when they can no longer. You always think you have a little bit more time but in the end you never do. You always wish for just one more day and you will torture yourself with the thought and making all sort of promises.

I want to love people simply because it is like you are here and I am here and there is nothing more beautiful than this exact moment we find ourselves in this space of time. One day we will wish for this day even though it can be incredibly hard to see it some day. At thirty you wish for 25 and at 40 you wish for anything younger. Unless of course you are where you have always dreamed you should be then you won’t have those continuous reflections back into the past to haunt you. Some people can let time slip through their fingers without even batting an eye. It’s crazy how truly fast time goes when it wants to and how so many of us won’t even notice it. Sometime will happen and life will get taken away. It will hurt those that are still living, I suppose. At least it should and we don’t know why so we just look down and nod our heads and walk away. Oh the thing about grief is that it comes for each one of us. It comes in ways we don’t recognize and spills from every cheek in the form of our tears. Usually. Anytime one of those pops out it has the potential for more. It depends on who is arming the gates that night and if you have the energy to keep on fighting back some more. Somebody that I used to know. Not even a friend. If they tell you that they knew me in the past I would have to admit that I don’t think so not on my end. What I knew is that their sting was always going to be worse than their bite. I kept them at arms length for the most part their evil stench is what kept me awake most nights.

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