The thing about soul mates is we always think the next person we meet is the one. Tell me I am wrong but every time we misinterpret the butterflies we are ready to sell out our first born just to get a rise. To feel that “connection” that we believe to be true but the reality is that it is only something new.

The thing about soul mates is your going to remember everything about them without even trying. The way they look, smile, feel…if you are lucky. My angels have gotten no rest since they moved away. I kid you not. My greatest connection is to my maternal Grandmother. She passed when I was 25 but our connection only grew.

I have talked to ONE physcic. I say one because this one had a direct connection to my family. She was able to tell me things that there would be no way she would have a way of knowing but she was able to hit it head. The timid man standing in the back, my maternal Grandfather whom I never met. Passed when my Mother was 15. He came to witness the greatest train wreck that was destined to be his Granddaughter, me. Where most people fail themselves to honour that have moved on through this existence before us. The energy that was present here before we were even a thought. The youth of our ancestors grounded into perversion to try and control the youth of today.

That’s why they need us to believe in the idea of soulmates. Dishonour the sanctity of marriage to get your rocks off because that is what will forever matter the most am I right? Tell me I am right and I will bop you in the nose. Nothing should matter more than the energy in the room you found yourself in and the energy that gave you life that came from before. Soul mates get in the way. Just a little bit. They make us forget how to come up for air. At least that is what I have found myself to come to believe.

In the presence of a soul mate you forget everything else. You can’t remember who you were or who you used to be all you remember is them. What the wore even. For the first ten minutes he walked into my life then never again for a 1.5 year. That life was organic back then. It made sense. So much sense that I had to run away.

For all the times I wish I could get those moments back there is nothing I would consider changing and that is a fact. In absence of a soul mate you can get what needs to get done. You can build that empire you have always dreamed when you aren’t always lying flat on your back. An empire doesn’t erect itself by itself. You need a backing of level headed honesty and that is what keeps me always coming back. I lived that life, my husband too. Now it is time to join forces and show the rest of the world just what can we do.

Me and my husband have an unspoken loyalty. We both had experience two stepping over the line and we know what happens when backs are turned. Never mine. Our backs are turned inward now no time for the grime. The idea of love just makes me laugh. Not that true incesstual experience that make we sleep with everything when our loved ones sleep. Keep on creeping on it will be you in the end who pays the ultimate price.

Never have I ever cheated on my husband and sold him off to the highest bidder. You know what I mean. That mood you think will serve you a higher purpose if you just get off. I have never felt like that. Even when it came to the one human being who was ever to give me the feels with just one touch and his look. HAVE MERCY, I am thankful for my angels.

I was told my angels were tired of getting me out of trouble. Always watching over me making sure I never lost my head and got carried away. At times it made me weak knowing they were right there refusing to lend me their hand but they were. They were doing everything they possibly can. I remember the last time I thought I would see him right before I moved out here. He was a no show. Thankfully. I always knew that if we came together in an intimate way we would never come up for air. Then he got locked away. My choice was easy. I think my husband’s was too but that is not my story to tell. Maybe in time but here as it is written my blog has always been about my feelings and I don’t mean to offend or portray anybody else. It just happens like in Law & Order. You rip a few details from the headlines and off you go.

In the absence of a soul mate if you aren’t living the life you were destined to do will you in essence fall apart? Would you allow the spirit of what you don’t have grind you into dust and drive you to focus on the shame. I am done trying to relate to those who aren’t even in the game. Can you do what needs to be done before time hits you on the head and you are already forgotten? Not me. Not this time. I have had so much taken from me already that I vowed that never ever will I feel insecure again. In the absence of a soul mate I am still my Grandmother’s Daughter who insists on watching me quietly from above. I wish I could give her more. Lord knows I tried. I will live every day in her honour because she was an amazing woman who gave me life and in the end there is no love greater than that.