Never Enough

The curious case of Benjamin Button was only a glorified attempt to heighten another individuals reality and pain. To put it up in lights at an attempt to line Hollywood’s pockets just glorifies the ways we as humans like to profit off of anybody’s demise. No matter the era you could not just die and roll over, no. You had to make these self righteous a pretty penny before being able to return to rest back in your grave.

How can I say something so ridiculous? I don’t know it is just how I feel. I look at the animals in my care who never stop trying and I realize it is only humans who regard themselves with such self contempt they would rather wither aa away and die. That’s what humans do. Oh you lost a leg? Your partner cheated? Your broke and homeless again without even a pot to piss in? Oh none of that is you? I have 9 cats who sing this song. Well 8 cuz the kitten has never experienced abandonment or life threatening injuries in it’s finest form. Some say I am crazy, I just say I give those who need it a second chance. What humans do to their beloved pets after they are done I step in and give them my golden years.

We gave up on this idea 5 cats ago that we were going to have what others deemed to have a “regular” life. There is no different then the farmers who grow food to feed us I just take care of those pets that others would rather throw away. Take my Sweet Daffodil in all of her toothless glory returned twice because all she wants to do is cuddle down and sleep. She doesn’t take to the other cats too much and two of them pick on her relentlessly but she knows when the going gets tough that we will protect her. I think that is why she sleeps up curled by my head. After the 5th foster fail we knew our lives were destined to be a little bit different. 9 cats, 3 dogs, 5 budgies, 2 chinchillas and 3 hermit crabs I think there has to be a give to this story.

Sure there is the desire to want to travel or maybe go out for a snack but then the reality sinks in of what life is supposed to mean and then I get carried away behind these 4 built walls. Everyday I honor my Grandmother by living in her best image. I dream of her when she was my age taking care of her 5 children and her husband that she loved. She never wasted her days on her cellphone or social media and she lived a very full life. If I close my eyes in the morning she meets me to feed my budgies just like she used to do on the farm when she would meet her flock. I miss that woman for all that she was to me and I am so lucky that she has decided to watch over me from above. I know the mistakes I made I made out of being human and now that I am made aware I will walk forward with more trust in my heart and hope in my head. I am not convinced that I need to know a million people just one. And as long as that one I get to know gives me comfort at the end of the night then I think just for a little bit I may just be ok. I stand and witness what comes before me and honour their existence just like I would want to happen if I had fallen and found myself in front of somebody I barely knew. My difference and truth is I want to know who you are and what has befallen you on this journey. Where so many just want to know to stroke their ego I just want to help ease your pain and try to help.

People laugh at what I am trying to do because they have no idea and can’t even fathom this kind of motivation. I never imagined I would be that gal reading text books for fun but how else would I know? How else would I be able to decipher from all of these facts in order to utilize my own brain. Feelings, mood, energies. Being able to recognize a beings true intentions before they are even manifested into being will save you a lot of heart ache at the end of every night. There are those that want to be around you and watch you succeed and there are those that just want to come around just to see you fail and prove to themselves all along that they were right. I can spend my whole life feeling sad about those who don’t see me as being any sort of value. Broken hearted from never fitting in exactly because who I am inside is never quiet right. I can’t sit in silence witnessing the way others can talk about each other. The silver toxins from their serpent tongue poisoning everybody in ear short in a blatant attempt to show the world who they believe to be right. We are all right in our own existence and it is those who are most unsure about themselves who will focus there attention onto you. The whispers of those who can’t be trusted no longer have space in my timeline or mind.

My whole life I have always known I was a little bit different. I always had trouble fitting in. Standing silently away from people I would watch timidly hoping that nobody would notice me and invite me in. Like every child that has every been teased relentlessly I remember the horrors like it was just yesterday. Not good enough to be considered a friend, not even good enough to be included or even asked out to play.

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