There is a piece of me that holds onto the idea that we may make a turn for the better in this ride called life. I like to think we are learning something on this journey instead of racing towards an early grave. The thoughts that burn inside of each us barely having a chance to rise to the surface without another baron being having an opinion to your so called life. I remember thinking all I needed to do in life was keep my family happy, ha I have never been more wrong in my belief in that.
Some life events that some of us are made to endure will be the reason why another can’t take no more and decided to turn on themselves and blow off their head. How else does one stop the rapid rise of increased annoyance or all the negative naysayers who take up residency inside our heads. I do what I do now because I don’t know anyway else. I will continue to push those away who have no time for ensuring that I will in time return their favour. Nothing is as humbling as the realization you were merely a filler inside their life. That is why I am quick to judge. There are 7 billion more beings I have a chance of connecting with so why limit my existence to those beings that are just mean. Don’t I owe it to myself to continuously keep trying? What would be the sense of giving up if I keep breathing and there is still a chance that I can accomplish all that I have set out to do. I won’t be swayed to believe the idiotic ideologies of those minds that don’t even have time to open up their brains. Learning doesn’t stop because you got out of high school. That is how the big fat cat always wins.
The reality is you can only trust yourself. We desire to trust more but in absence of living our true life what does that mean for all of us other living beings. A shell of the life we dreamed about when we are children now we break our back to keep ourselves spiritually broke and raw to the touch. The way we handle each other no longer with care. We don’t care if we spread what it is that we are thinking or if it ruins another family after it’s wake. The constant barage of thoughts of never being good enough or never having somebody to lovingly take and caress our hands. Maybe we find the love of our lives only to have them ripped away. Why are we meant to feel that broken, rotten and left out to decay? I try to be gentle with myself and I rarely get involved. I know my words can be twisted and used to harm me so I rather keep to myself. Enough of that unwanted drama cut it out and hit the sac!
Why are some the way that they are without even a wayward thought. It all depends on what you believe on what happens to us when we go. Are we reunited with our loved ones? Do they look back sometimes down on us? Do they shine a little brighter at night just feeling who we are and seeing our good deeds. Our truths. Who we want to be and who we want to be known for. Don’t you have to dare to say the things that others are in fear and won’t tread to think or let their thoughts wander to or go? How do we evolve from self if we never fully push ourselves to any limit? Especially if we allow ourselves to be bullied into things we just find impossible to believe.
The only opinion that matters and needs to matter is the one we have of ourselves. Anybody and everybody else could be out to get us and in the end that we could be reduced to just a shell. It takes forever to get our strength back up after we been kicked down too many times we lose count. In the end it doesn’t matter. Not the bruises or the scars. All that count is how you feel when you fall back in love with yourself. Like you used to do when you were a small little child. Before all the weirdness poisons us and goes straight towards our heads.
Human Nature. Human Beings. Human Kindness. Human Things. What does it all mean when we get to the end, seriously? People are mean, quick to judge, easy to hurt and then out of nowhere there are those that can be nice. There is no extent to how one minds can twist when it is being pulled from every which way. I find it bizarre that there are those incapable of seeing through all the smoke and mirrors but what can I say, I come alive in the smoke. The smoke is my home and helps quiet my soul. I love being judged for being a creature of nature, an embodiment of all those that came before me that are now incapable of even opening their eyes. It is not that they don’t want to it is just that there time in that form is done. There is no more reason for superficial goodbyes of seasons. Just a casual so long now it is time for you to go so it is best now that you get moving along. There are those that are just cringe worthy in everything they do. I never understood the mentality of feeding on the weak of heart instead of including another to come and play. I am not scared to stand alone nor will I ever be .At least I know that I am who I say I am and I don’t need to strain myself to believe. No more whispers to come out of the dark to bully or haunt me, no. I am a fierce, strong women who is descendent upon greatness and I will radiate towards like mends until I can no longer walk and take my last breath. When you continue you to surround yourself with greatness you are already at peace and you find yourself at home. Why force yourself to fill something that is beyond you after all these years?