Nothing should move you faster than the fear of failure but everything else will. You will allow life to pull you every which way being miserable, incapable of sticking up for yourself. Too scared to call those out who shame you because a foe in your corner is still a foe in your corner better than having none. What kind of asinine thinking is that, truly? A foe in your corner is just waiting till your back is turned so they can cut you wide open and pull your heart out and watch you bleed. TRUST ME!! They get off on when you fail. They need you to fall. They need you to fall so hard you knock your front teeth out and then maybe the hate they have in their heart for you will soon fail. As thick as thieves like a reason. Don’t let their charade go over your head. There is no race to where I am going and that is all that I need to know.
Competing with nobody I only care what the man in the mirror thinks. I don’t get intimidated anymore like I used too. It is them that just needs to give it up. My heart, mind and soul is connected now and that is a powerful force. The fear is when you finally don’t give a damn there is no limit to which you can reach. Trust me when I say this I am reaching now more than ever before. Inside me is a light form that needs to be enlightened and if the Universe allows me the ability to pass it on down and show. Not to be rude in a show offish kind of way but in a way to say if I can do this life then so can you. If I can be abused at 13 and not sure or believe in humanity any more and come out of it so can you. More has happened. So much more has happened but it all depends on what you believe. I can tell you when I felt my first “ghost” and shifts in energy or various events that have happened and the only thing that makes sense is the presence of angels. Dying for 12 minutes in childbirth changing everything for me but it wasn’t the first time I was presented with a situation that I had no choice but to full heartedly believe.
I guess I could get into details about all that but what I got out of all of it if you believe in even a fraction of it then you have to take a look deeply at yourself. You can’t be an *sshole and think your angels just aren’t going to mind. One minute you are crying to Jesus and the next minute you are feeding somebody shots to the head. That is where we get so far away from our sense of self that I get scared and draw myself in. Which leads me to the next point…YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF INTERESTING!! You have to fully love who you are and love being alone in your time. Being able to entertain yourself and take in some quite is a blessing that I enjoy no matter which room I am in. Trust me these minutes don’t come often but Darlings, when they do. They give you that biggest smile that will light up any room. I am so busy but it is busy full of love. I love all the animals that I care for and getting dressed up even when there is truly nothing to do. I get dressed because I think of my Grandmother. Back in the day they all took pride in how they presented themselves so in that image I hope to stay. I want to honour those who came before me and say look at me I am you because I am I truly am this life is possible because of all of you.
Who needs tv when you have animals to care for and a family to love. Book are required to empower me with knowledge so I can help my son and now my husband when they go off to school. Doesn’t this all sound familiar in some sort of way. Women are our first teachers life has almost seemingly been designed this way. In every species the mother teachers her young all the necessities of life. Are we missing a few milestones when we desire a career or even worse when society has forced us too. There was a time when a family was two and one stayed at home. Now with modern living and the internet that seems to be so far away. Did that time even happen? Did I even exist? I have a memory of life being different instead of losing all meaning. Have we become all the same in our desire for fame? I feel different I know that I am. I can’t buy into all these theories developed by our modern man. Take all the pills that insist on having us pop. There are uppers and downers for uppers and these pills to make you stay awake why another makes you sleep. Why? What if we treated our bodies more like a beloved temple instead of pot to piss in or something worse.
Anti depressants threatened to take me down the deepest, darkest rabbit hole I have ever known. Happiness became a struggle for me and I had no idea who I was or worse who I was becoming. The reason for that is I was getting driven away from my authenticity as I began to dodge daggers from left and right. I listened as friends bashed each other like cowards while backs were turned then singing their praises like canaries like they weren’t the serpent behind them waiting to get their feed. Meh. I see bad people and they are all dressed in monotone hoping to hide their mistakes from the rest of the world. I see you and I raise you a leopard print cat suit I am not ashamed of my game that I bring to the world.