Blinded By Life

Are you blinded by the life of others? Incapable of making your own life decisions out of fear of being called out for something that makes your heart burst with pride. Me too Darlings, me too.

I see the truth in your lies. The lies you tell to get others to look your way and smiles. It hurts. Not being able to live my authentic truth because it is too blinding for those that are incapable of doing the same. Mind blindless catches us all. Stops us from believing that we can be anybody we set ourselves out to be. Nobody, let me repeat this one more time. NOBODY can honour the life source that resides inside of you. Only you know what can ignite that fire long into the night after certain beings try to extinguish your flame. Only you.

Diving into the abyss that is the disorder spectrum I can’t help but identify with the being that is me. There has been no question in my life that I have hard troubles connecting with anybody. Like a one man island I just floated alone waiting for anybody to hit my shores. Once they docked however there is no telling what my mental mind would do. Are you coming as friend or foe? Who sent you? Did you just come to watch me fail or do you want to build on a dream and watch me succeed? It is hard to always think outside the box. To never relate to anything living in this realm is enough to drive one insane. I feel insane. Any book I read about Autism will make me feel that way. Highlighting all my differences and my sons too I know now what I have to do.

My organic truth is I have been hurt by EVERYBODY I have ever love, but don’t worry I have had my hand in people too. Incapable of being able to relate to their emotions we mix like oil and water never able to eventually fuse. And why would I want to? Begin thinking the way that everybody else insist on doing. I am not like them nor do I want to be. Living with my heart on my sleeve I become an easy target and that is ok. I can reveal my weaknesses as I am safe a top of my own empire that nobody below me will have a chance of ever come to know or feel. My temple is guarded. I know who I am and what I am about and if my mind is deranged so be it. For me there is no better person to be because I am me not you so the idea that I need your unconditional acceptance is completely asinine and can be no further from the truth.

My mind has always highlighted how different I am. Doesn’t help that everybody I have encounter has always told me the same. In the beginning I thought it was from abuse that I endured from the hands of an older boyfriend when I was in my teens but as I aged I begin to see just how different I truly am. I was born to stand out. I was born to stand on top of every roof top and shout my truths inspiring others to do the same. We only live once so why is it we are always trying to contain our essence in order to appease the masses. Does it make sense? What will they do with your light once it is extinguished? Once you are gone, sleeping with the fishes does anybody even remember your name? Why give them the satisfaction of derailing your game? Think about it. Marinade in your truth and realize that in the end we are one and the same.

Why do you need the whole world to sing your accelaides when you have me? Isn’t that enough? What more can you possibly need? Why constantly put yourself out there to be snapped back? What I have come to learn about my truth is that it drives other people away. I would like to believe that maybe somehow they are good but if they are judging me in my truth and casting shame my way doesn’t that make them just a wee bit inferior to me? We all need each other but some prefer to point fingers and cast stones instead of trying to be all encompassing and trying to be a good friend. Don’t keep those around who are just waiting for you to fail. Do you want their likeness to be etched into your eternal scrolls or do you want their truth of who they were in this life to be the noose that hangs up over their heads. Let bad people sell themselves out for the beings that they are instead of going to battle with those that are below you in the dirt. I love when people leave because it brings me closer to my truth. Those who step on others to get what they need will stumble and scratch their knees when eventually they hit the dirt.

Are you still blinded by the life lived by others making it so the green eyed beast can never leave? Cast those out and make it so they can’t return. If they fool you once with their civility they will do it again. A fool and his money are soon parted but what happens to the fool when it comes to his mind? Nothing permeates our inner being faster than trying to fit in, up to and including lying to the world about who it is we are to become. I know my mind and I know my truth and my reality is that I was born to never fit in with the rest of the world. Sure it is isolating. Like a one man island but I would rather live here than where I was living before. Most friends and family only come around when they need something so I cut them off. My mind is to fragile to constantly be playing games with those that will never keep my sanity in mind.

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