The evolution of Miss Ruby Sweet Cheeks isn’t for the faint hearted or even mind. My alter ego came to me after 35 years of having nobody, belonging to nobody, I finally wanted an identity that I could relate to that was the girl I was born to be. Ever since I was 13 and raped and told by my parents what to do I was always the one pushed into the corner to scared to use my voice or see what all it is I could do. The voices of others weighed me down. Your pretty BUT. You could make a good life partner BUT. All these buts about why I wasn’t good enough but come one guys truly what was wrong with big ol me. I would say little but we all know that I can’t help but pack on a few pounds. I was always born to be a little extra do you feel me?
There is nothing more humbling than being told you are too broke too play. Yes the sting of not being able to fit in with an aging group of women that has the same thought process as you. What was not being lost on me is how cruel other women can be. Do you know how much courage it takes to stand up on a stage without knocking your knees. Knock, Knock!! Who’s there? I don’t give a damn fall flat on your face and come in. The amount of cruelty that comes into play at these contests makes sense but are we grown women or wild beasts I think you need to be the judge.
My first win came with a crashing real lost. Nobody wants to hear that they are old and washed up especially after coming back to life after all that. The one thing I can’t stand is blatant bullying and I am horrified to learn that there is so much of it still going on. I allowed these women to take away my smile and make a mockery out of everything that I loved and the essence that was me. I entered a period of morning and became Sweet Ruby Bluez because the lies that were being told by those that claimed to know me made me sad. All I ever wanted was to fit in and share with those who I am and what I know. I never wanted to profit or make a side stand out of everything and everybody I love all I wanted was to be free. So I ran. I shut down all my social media, well except my Instagram because the trolls some how leave me alone when I am out there running around.
So Miss Sweet Cheeks had to leave. Tired of hearing how broke and tragic I was I refocused on the anxiety and became something blue. The sorrow I felt for humanity just began to seep from every pore as I took multiple steps backwards to try to see how I could help and what could I possibly do. So I read. I read about the wars and real human suffering and racism and poverty and ALL the tragedy we allowed to take over our fellow man. The things we allowed to happen while most of us remained idle was just turning my stomach. It wasn’t about how much money I had but in all the ways that I hope to finally help. Yes sure I was just scraping by just a few years ago, but I am not no more. I am wise. I have opened up my heart and my eyes to try and carve out a life that is more meaningful then the one that I was content on living before. Am I still a loser who was sleeping on a cement floor that the rest of my local Pin-Up scene was too washed up to help? They always talk about being the ones on the outside looking in and how they promise NEVER to make another being feel the way that they were made to feel. HA!! What a joke! Enter somebody who embodies what it REALLY means to be a lady and watch the stones and lies fly to try and derail her and make her cry.
The difference between me and them is I AM THIS LIFE!! I just don’t get lost in the smoke in mirrors I become the smoke. I have perfected my passion over the last few years while the rest of the world remained dormant and just recycled up old trash. I fought everyday portraying my story and winging my eye. Do you know how hard it is when everybody around you is just egging you on trying to get you to cry? What was done to me the pin-up community vows to never have done. I miscarried and was told to get out of dodge so I closed up my Facebook pages and ran once again. What is wrong with me that makes it so others feel validated when they push me away? I mean there must be something wrong with me as they insist there is I just don’t see my life through their eyes like they do. I am reserved and focused because there is so much to do. I am not going to shy away from my life no more because it makes you feel more like a winner. We could have been winners together but your a shark so I am not sure what to say no longer or even do. All I know is I am tired of being ashamed for my shine because it is to bright for your eyes. Imagine living your whole life under somebody else’s shadow because they finally had it their way and managed to permeate your brain. Kick them out for being obnoxious then take over your rein as Diva Supreme. I mean we only have this one time to live through our eyes so why wait for another to tell us how to live it and if we got it right!