Try not believing that everything in life is connected and just look at how disoriented one can be. We have no idea what we are doing on this revolving rock yet we hold onto the words of strangers like it was gospel and what they were saying to us would enlighten us and give us our best shot. Best shot for who you might wonder and sometimes the bravest of all will even ask. Once you get on the hamster wheel of life how do you get off without throwing yourself out of it and knocking yourself out in the process.
All jokes aside I am who I am and there is not much you can do to pull out the opposite out of me. We can try to conform into an image that might make those around as calm and happy but what happens to our insides when we are made to behave in such a way. Imagine being told to act and behave a certain way while all of your nerve endings ignited and became raw and felt like it was on fire. Imagine a world where strangers look at you and assess your capabilities trying to determine if you fit into their version of “normal” or can they diagnosis you with something more. As a mother of a child who is more fascinating then most I can see it in his eyes that he demands a life that is something more. More than what most of us are content at getting I can see it in his eyes he wants answers. Who am I and why did you wake me from my celestial slumber? Can I have a moment for my living body adjust or you going to keep hounding me for something more.
My fascinating little boy who I want to shelter from the world and if I succeed in that mission I think I may have ended his potential for greatness. Nah I can’t do that. I can’t suppress all those feelings and emotions into one grey little box so how do I help him when I am not sure what to do. SLOW DOWN! TAKE A BREATH! Get to know that little boy. His eyes light up with conversation the minute you try to engage with him in any sort of way. The conversations that we have and the mother he inspires me to be. Do you believe we come full circle? Or maybe that is just me.
As we were driving to the Doctor I wanted to distract him so I asked him to look up at the sky. I asked him what color the sky was and if he could see any clouds and he just look at me and smiled. He told me up there was where Lucy now calls home. (Lucy being my cat of 7 years that I had put asleep in September). Then she became all that he could see in the clouds as he told me how much he missed you. See I have always taken a different approach with conversations with my little bean. The realization hit me as a new mother he is the closest entity to know where it is he may have possibly came from. Maybe that is why infants are not able to speak and communicate properly? They say once the brain is formed around 5 that it begins to close off the mind. The wiser we become the more jaded that we are. We aren’t empowered by knowledge more like we are overcome with fear. Too scared of what lays in wait for us so we draw ourselves in and stay nearest to those who make us feel safe. I get it. Sometimes I lash out in ways that it drives people away and I don’t mind. Good people will always see the good in you even in times of bad.
What I realized in that moment is that I am able to communicate with my son if I just slow down a little and pay attention to his eyes. His eyes dance and smile when ever he is happy and excited. That tells me that whatever he is doing in this moment he is enjoying and as his mother that should be the most important thing to me. To watch him light up and engage with me is worth more than anything in this world. At least to me. So when he began to show an interest in my crystals I couldn’t help but feel an enormous pride. Here comes the full circle. You see before I knew anything about divine light and after life I used to meander down to the Angel store and buy me a candle of healing light. The candle I would always burn would be to find me a soul mate. I always thought the soul mate would be an intimate partner but now I see the error of my ways. We misconstrue their identity by believing it must be somebody who can get our rocks off. A piece of plastic can get us their too does that mean it’s vibrations carry celestial light? The point is, yesterday I just needed to get out. The weight of the world was coming on my shoulders and I needed to remain calm so I removed myself from the house. A visit to an old friend will cure me then afterwards I found myself driving to a store. The end destination was the chain of crystal stores that I used to buy my candles at.
I am drawn to celestial places of light and healing because I am determined to find out what it all means. The crystal I picked out was a beautiful turquoise blue (my son’s favourite color), I couldn’t wait to get home and show him. When he saw the crystal his eye’s lighted up and as he held the crystal in his hand he said, “Say that this is for me.” How can you say no when he is holding it up to the light. Exclaiming about all the colors and being filled with divine light. Excitedly he told me look at all the colors!! You can even see the ocean. That is how I knew I just brought home his power crystal. What I wanted for me became the greatest gift for my little and indirectly for me too. We bonded over divine energy and light in it’s most exquisite form.