Wind Beneath Your Wings

People wonder why it is the way that I am but if you walked a mile in my shoes you would understand why it is that I am me. Tired of others pulling the wool over my eyes I call them out. Indulging in my own heightened sense of well being instead of being diluted by anybody else’s. The common misdiagnosed factor in most people’s life chains is they become too intoxicated with the green eyed beast to truly look at what it all could possibly mean. There are those who only like you when they think they can get in your pants. Leaving you to stumble on the garbage they have left strewn all around as they wait in the shadows to laugh at your demise.

Take my husband for example. He has worn out two toilet seats from all of his “smoke breaks”. As somebody who smoked for 20 plus years it was vitally important for me to not be tied down by a smoker. Enter the lies of my husband. I don’t think he can tell the truth to save his own life. Correction I don’t think he could tell the truth to save anybody’s life. He is so angry and spiteful that it has now come to a point where I just want to leave. I sure love how he made it impossible for me though. In my attempt to create my own little oasis of happiness I ended up securing the noose right over my head. To some they may never understand how I could let this situation get so far out of control but all things considering it was very easy to do. As a Gemini I like to be distracted so volunteering made the most sense. What ended up happening was a whole lot of foster fails which would make it impossible for us to go our separate ways without condoning all these animals too. Sure it would make logical sense to say screw all of them and protect your well being but there is something to be said for this sad crew I find myself living among. They give me the strength to smile and meet each day no matter what the trolls of the world have in store for me.

My husband hates everything that I do and lives to see me fail. I don’t understand how it is that I ended up with somebody like this. I was so careful with my partners. Then this guy slipped through with all of his lies. I guess this is what happens when your clock begins ticking. It becomes so loud you can no longer focus on anything coming at you. I was already kinda down on the dumps struggling to get by. Was I an easy target? I would say so wouldn’t you? All I wanted was a life that would make me happy and touch the lives of another at some point along the way and what I got. Well you know what I got so what can I say. Tired of all the lies and filth being thrown at me from all angles I want to scream and run but there are too many depending on me. Well I depend on me so I don’t have time for nobody else. I try to make time for those that once they find out a little bit about me they turn and run away. Yes I was abused by my first boyfriend at a young age. Yes horrible things have happened to me. Yes I used to be a drunk who dabbled in drugs but for the last 5 years I have been pickled with a pharmaceutical cocktail that made it so I have no idea who I was or how I came to be. What I do know is I am sick of being hated so what am I doing to do? I have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get the courage, I deserve better than what he is serving no matter what I did in my lifetime before all this. I will always maintain that he should have just let me die. When the doctor’s asked him who to save he should have said save my son and don’t worry about lil old me. Why bring me back to life so you watch me die slowly. That is what you do to me every time you swear and spit your filth at me. I am tired of being the bad guy even though I have stopped her from every which way. I have an evil that is brewing inside of me. Do you really want her to come out and play?

Tired of all these fake friends and haters I just wish I could take a break from them all but then they win. My mentality has always been work harder, longer, stronger by engaging in activities that encourage me to win. Utilize my talents and keep on enhancing my skills. What truly makes your heart burst with pride that nobody else could ever take away? I need to find a community of people who support me always no matter how crazy or far out my ideas may seem. I know I take on too much on the day to day but I don’t ever want to forget what living was supposed to mean. It means to be kind while always challenging yourself. You can sleep when you are dead if you know what I mean. Sure you need some sleep but what can you do with your eyes closed? Not much. Well unless of course you are dreaming then you can manifest the next chapter. Will it into fruition with every fibre of your being. There are those content on watching you fail while there are others that just want to see you soar and fly. They want to be there to help you stretch your wings to help you reach your highest potential with the only ask in their heart is to be the wind beneath your wings. Those are my people and they breathe me new life.

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