Today I am stunted. At a loss for words and then some. Everything that comes to you in life gets taken away and I am unsure of my feelings in regards to that. So many emotions intertwined into each day and so many ignoramuses’ trying to get their say. Our continuous depletion devoids our essence of all meaning, leaving us broken, sad, defeated and a little more than just a tiny bit confused. What welcomes us each day is the same reality for all. Well it all depends on how your head rests on the pillow at the end of each night and who in life you allow to witness your demise and fall.
Take my relationship. Everybody is so quick to criticize and give me their condescending opinion. Isn’t that what you call it when you only take a very small look instead of the entire picture? What I do know is we came together later in life with the desire to wanting to work at keeping our family together. Maybe not at peace but we always indirectly have always had each others back. Once we committed ourselves to each other in that way there was no way I was EVER going to let ANYBODY speak ill of that man. Ya sure I try to bite my tongue for as long as I can but sometimes or another my tongue gets raw and I begin to bleed. Choking on my own demise I have to say what is becoming rotten inside my heart. Don’t we all dream of a perfect fairy tale and happy ending where there is nothing but love on the other side as far as the eye can see? Of course one would have to. What else is there for one to believe?
To keep trying to bask in your own truth as you watch what makes you human is the very thing that drives other people away. They say mean things and become somebody else. All to win the affection of other suitors that will fall to the wayside once they find out what you are about and then some. There are so many other lives we can allow ourselves to intertwine with but we crave the most toxic to align ourselves with. That slow release of poison that chokes us while we sleep. Do I miss that time of uncertain unknowing or do I appreciate knowing all the facts.
I sit back and observe and listen to how others interact. First with themselves then how they behave when they find themselves among company. What I can tell you is it is pretty obvious how it is they want you to react. Be a yes ma’am, of course I will, you look lovely today and all that jazz. What people say when they think others are listening will horrify you when other people have their ears closed. That is why I got my back up and kept it that way. Listening to the horrid words that some would say about their so called friends…BARF!!
What those fail to see firsthand they will never understand. They may try to sway your thought and mind to align more with theirs but they will sell you to the highest bidder and that is a matter of fact. So many negative Nancy’s in the world trying to come down us like they had the final say. Are they better than me? I don’t think so as I wave them away with one hand. No second chances. Why do I need to keep beating my head over and over again hoping that some people can figure it out and get it right. I see you and I no longer care if you can see me. Where once there was potential I see you as the dumpster fire that you will always be.
How many times have you turned on your word or had to back peddle because of something that was said? True friends know who you are and will honour that inner child that is wanting to blossom inside of you and will hang on every word that is said. They won’t wag a finger and turn a blind eye. Light up the torches and march long into the night sky. Being exposed to so many beings all at once that will sell their first born for their name up in lights makes my stomach turn. Still does. I hate what other people do when they think nobody is looking and it is all black from the dead of night. Fake friends have always curdled my stomach and the weight has lifted from my shoulders now that they are finally gone. I didn’t know how toxic their presence was in my life until I was suffocated by the loss of all that they took at me. My very essence being the final tab and cost.
I was born different. Born to stand out. I feel all these things differently that can’t be explained nor do people even care to understand. Do I care? I used to. It took awhile to develop a very thick skin. An experience that I don’t take too lightly and one that I long to share with everybody else. Through all different forms of social medial Like Facebook and Instagram and just recently I have been dabbled in YouTube too. Have you checked me out on these platforms yet? I would sure love for you to share with me so I can learn how I am doing.
Facebook and Instagram : Miss Ruby Sweet Cheeks
I am a firm believer you have to be willing to live your life a little differently in order to get out of life something a little different. I could be content on just doing nothing or I can try to create and entertain. Look for a similar thread of commonality that will connect us from this life leading into the next. Wouldn’t you want to be surrounded by like minded energy instead of falling prey and victim to something else?