For as long as I remember I was hated for how I looked. Not that I was anything special. Just an easy target. Once they smell fear they come from all angles and all you can do is fall prey.
I allowed myself to be victimized. Hanging out with people who kept the bar low so I was never going to disappoint. You know the way that some like to do when you begin to shine. Tarnish B*tch!! Now to set you aflame and watch you disappear and hopefully die. That is truly what happened when all the fingers started getting pointed at me. It’s not like I ran it was my way of saying SHUT THE F*CK UP!! I needed to start from scratch and make it on my own. There was no why I was going to let their spit dull my shine. Ha!! Imma going to use it as polish and let it light up the night sky! You have to. If you let the opinion’s of those who don’t matter fester you will end up feeling worn out and diseased.
You know my pedigree. Raised on a farm where we grew our food from our land. We had cows to bring in money and there was a time we had a milking cow. My Grandmother kept the chickens for our family. Those were her crew. What I failed to do when I grew up was honour her image. Live in likeness like only I can. My hands hit dirt every day as the budgies that I saved off of the internet sing away. There is something to be said for being able to live and embrace in my life in this way. Home is where the heart is so in my home is where my heart stays.
I am not going to compete no more for attention nor am I ready to take a seat. I promise you I am just getting started my only shame was letting them take my smile away. What I learned in two years where the rest of the word went silent is I found my voice. I took a seat and remained somewhat complacent where some of my haters demanded I take a seat. I never did. Never would for that matter. That is why I have recharged and coming at the Universe with a different message.
I am done with all these harmful opinions that are intent on keeping life down. My life. Your life. Anybody who dares to come in our way and throw us shade. I saw them coming from long ago so I set up my barricades now it is time to go. Never again will I shy away. I know who is for me and who has taken to the sidelines. Don’t tell me that people are incapable of change. That is what cost me EVERYTHING!! An accusation that my hubby was a pedo….HA!!! Let’s GOOOOOO!!! I never forget. Just laugh and take notice of the company you keep. Anybody who is so deranged and corrupt in their thinking is definitely not for me. Game on and I am ready to play. Let’s live the good life….NEXT!!!
I let all these fake people take my shine, dull my sparkle and take what is rightfully mine. I have the right to be confident like it is my life to live. All the ridiculous advice given to me I am allowed to throw out the window. Like because of the way I dress or the way I move I must be a slut in your eyes or worse yet deserved to be raped. So I rise up for ANYBODY who wants to feel empowered, loving their body and feeling sexy that as long as you are living and breathing it is your God given right! Not just any type of SEXY. Your type of sexy and there is not any being other than you who can define that!! Believe it!!
Sorry for the rage but come on open your eyes. Feeling included shouldn’t come at a price. I embrace my CURVES! I love my body. The way it moves, shimmies and shakes so why do I need to live in a world where being a beanpole is the only body we desire? I got called FAT when I was called QUEEN. What kind of Universe is that? Take it back. Not the insult I will where it like a fine custom silk take your ignorance. Take your tiny little brain that rewards people for the number on the scale and take a walk. I am not for you. Move along.
There was a time when I craved the night life and not the kind in the traditional sense. The kind that comes out under the cover of darkness when most other people are tucked in at night. I know what some are capable of that is why I don’t waste time no more. Why keep giving somebody the benefit of the doubt? Makes no sense to me. I would rather keep to myself anyways. Why deplete the unique energy that is me. Not many can tolerate me and they want to in small doses. Once I am gone you crave that connection but once it is severed I make sure there is no way that they are coming back. Spite me once. Shame on you. Spite me twice. Shame on me. I ain’t got no more time to mess up. At 43 it is all guns a blazing and LET’s GO!! Never mind who is behind you. Why keep planning on going back that way to pick the rest of the haters and naysayers up?
At the end of the day I don’t hate myself. I now find myself very interesting. Who needs to be everybody’s cup of tea when you can be a fine, divine wine instead. The only person I ever needed to change for was myself and now that I am here I can’t imagine being anybody else.