Some like it hot or like us to believe that they do. What they really prefer is something that is tepid and doesn’t draw any attention to them being in the room. At least that is the game. That is how they like to play it. I will pretend like I am a benefit to your psyche but like a black widow I am waiting to suck your sparkle out. Make your essence mine and pervert it in such a way that will have everybody wondering what the heck is happening. Is she insane or just having a bad day?
What made me insane was believing I needed to be accepted by anybody other than me. Truly. As incredibly vain and obnoxious as that may sound that is something that I believe. Everybody needs to believe that. What I have been exposed to over the last few years has been something short of nauseating. I am so disheartened that real acquaintances in life would chose their social media counterparts then somebody they shared real time with in life. Choosing sides is not for me. If you enjoy the company of those that spurn me then obviously the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…or even the shoe.
Embracing the lives that accept me for all that I am I have found a safe haven for all things that are me. I dress the way that I like and have perfected being able to do my own make-up and hair and I have branched out to try and teach others how to live their lives by doing the same. Obviously not by becoming me but empowering them to become all that is them. That is where so many get confused. It doesn’t make me a prima donna or a slut. Just super honest and real and connected with myself. Like Kathryn Hepburn said in her book you need to find yourself the most interesting. Live your life by leading the example instead of becoming something common place. Sure I am not everybody’s cup of tea.
Imagine being dull. Gag me with a spoon. Or bending over backwards and being so nauseating accommodating. You can play by all their rules and even let them win and at the end of the day they are still going to tell lies and laugh about you. The truth hurts only if you let it and stop letting the snakes get too close so they can bite. I have this furry bubbling deep inside of me that is choking on all their noxious fumes and lies that I have to let the FULL story out at least once before I die. I thought about it lots. About what it all could mean and the only thing I can come up with is too enlighten other beings. So in time it will all come out with my artistic flair. That is another thing that I am enjoying the manner in which I am learning to reconnect with the world.
Take my YouTube channel for example (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT44prvb_o835cQOG327hbQ). In absence of having a daughter I would love to teach the Universe all that I have learned. Specifically about beauty and skincare but limited too all that. I want the world to know who I am and what I was about. Honesty and truthfully and always authentically me. I felt this need to be more than upfront with my journey because of all the stones being casted my way. Trust me. I hate the cards that I have been given I wouldn’t lie about my hand just so I can be a part of the game. Everything that I have experienced though will be for nothing if I don’t share with others and try to find like minds.
In order to grow our perception of real entities and realities the best we can hope for is to learn and eventually adapt. Not succumb. Never succumb. Never succumb to their intoxicating ideologies I can promise you that. Everything we have ever needed to survive was given to us within reach. It was only when men got this idea to capitalize did the nature of good will and humanity begin to collapse. Everything came at a price. Even the apples hanging from the trees. Can you imagine? A land that was once free. All you had to do was love your neighbour and put in a little work. That is what was destroyed when those boats hit the shore. The real meaning of life.
Everything has a price including ones own sanity. The constant doubt and worry of failure nipping at your heels and feeding on your soul. If it weren’t for good people I would have nothing left. There are a few who make this existing more than tolerable and to them I would give my last breath. They bring a smile to my face and make my heart beat out of my chest. I burst with pride in just knowing they exist and I am so thankful they include me along on the ride.
Some like it hot and those or my people. They know what they are alive for and they are risking their lives to achieve it. Maybe not in a life or death sorta way but let me tell you a lil something about social suicide before you roll your eyes and walk away. Without conviction I will speak my truth. I don’t care how long I have known you for if you are pulling something shady Imma going to pull you out from your roots. Why not? It is my life to live so if you don’t like it stay out of my way. I stay out of yours and I do so without much to say. I never call out names to try and make another feel shame. If something I say resonates truth deep within them then that was an accident and a chance for you to change that toxic trait about you. Not all can walk a mighty fine line but it sure feels good when we are brave enough to try.