Weird At Best

I know that I am weird than most. Different at best but what can I possibly do with this information? Try to conform to fit in among strangers? Lose the very essence that is me? That is what happens when you begin to lose sight of your own dreams and just become content on what will be.

Why keep those floating around you that are only there to watch you fail? They headhunt through your list of friends and won’t stop their hell bound fury till they see red. Using what they can against you as they try to raise their own worth way above your head you only figure out what has happened after you take your last breath or wind up dead.

Since I was a young girl I grew accustomed to being lied to and abused. I wanted to keep the bad man close so I would always know where he was and what he was doing. I knew evil had the possibility of coming alive inside each and every heart that is why I always kept my guard up. No second chances anymore. I had given away all of those now it was time to focus on me and no longer feel shame. They need you to feel that insecurity because how else will the receive the upper hand? They won’t. Stop believing the smile of the snake or the lies that roll off their silver, serpents tongue.

For a lazy housewife I sure keep my plate full. I guess maybe I should stop believing I can achieve my dreams and sort through all the clothes in my house. I know I need to organize but I am so easily distracted. Not in a I’m going to do nothing today but in a what can I do to be remembered before I leave this Earth kind of way. What, if anything, will I be remembered for or will it all be just for a waste when I take my last breath and finally lay down and die? I dunno. But I know I have to at least try.

Ever believe you were destined for greatness but you have no idea as to how or why? Just an inkling. I hope that maybe this time will turn out different if I just keep my blinders on and nose down and hope for greener pastures and a brighter day. It will have to happen sooner or later if one tries hard enough and is dedicated. What would be the sense of a life well lived if we couldn’t survive the great fall?

Everything changes depending apon who has entered and will remain in the room. Not everybody has the fortitude to remain stoic with their convictions. Determined to make the best of it no matter the hearts that became connected or travesty that keeps coming back.  Some fall hard where others never get back up. Some are just unable and others are standing on their back making sure they stay down. Oh what humans are capable when nobody is looking or worse yet when nobody cares. When you experience somebody who will doing ANYTHING in life to succeed…up to and including selling off their first born you have to develop the thickest skin and maybe a little bit more.

So I do dare to live my life a little differently as I embrace all that is me. There are those that understand why I do what I do and there are the others that wish I would just go away. When it comes to those people who are easily irritated I know that our energies will never intertwine to become something more. We need that something more, a little inkling of hope. Something to keep our hearts going when all is dark and there is nowhere to go to get out of the shadows and warm our beings with the purity of life. There has to be more than this existence than what is portrayed to us. It is up to each one of us to search for the truth rather than accept all these lies of all the lives lived before. Nobody likes to share their honest feelings and living truths out of fear of being ridiculed and therefore meeting an early demise. Nothing could rot our brains faster then the fear of never actually fitting in or amounting to anything. The fear of becoming wasted skin.

The obsessive way we flock towards each other like we need to have our life witnessed by another to prove that we were herie. What about all of those that came before us that just seemingly have vanished into thin air? Were those lives for nothing? Did everything they did in their timeline to just be forgotten about one day? What about those that misinterpreted the meaning of your life? Billions upon billions of people have come and gone. A mere speck of what it meant to be alive in that time now you take your last exhale and die. Where do you go and what do you become? All those beautiful lives that were once so full of promise, love and laughter are now gone swifter then we can close our eyes.

I guess I will remain as weird as ever determined to leave my mark. Happiest surrounded by all types of life no matter how it is we found each other. That is how I prefer to live, like a hobbit living on a grassy hill. The purity of life that I love comes alive as I move from room to room. Furs, feathers, skin. Aren’t we all created equal? All confused to what we are doing here and how could we begin to use each other to get our hearts desire with little or no help. Isn’t that what we have been conditioned to do? Pull the wool over our eyes till it all makes sense? What if it never does in the end and we wasted all this time believing something that wasn’t true.

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