Death

My husband keeps asking how I feel about dying or where it is I think we go? Obsessively he keeps asking questions regarding this and there is just something I just keep to myself because there are some thoughts that others just shouldn’t know. Like what it is that you think that happens to you when you die is an explanation you own and there is no trying to tell another being why. There are so many variables that come into this conversation starting with a life well lived. We all amount the quality of life a little differently so should we talk about that before we begin?

Life happens almost for no reason. Before you can even open your eyes there is something that is begging for attention pulling at something inside of you connecting to you this life time and next. Do you believe that? There is a next time? How else can you justify the slaughter of the innocent? Are we supposed to believe that evil always wins? That is what happens when the innocent wins the haunting evil hangs victoriously over their prey. That isn’t right and nor should it ever be their testimonies shine like stars in the night sky. Warning us about the evil that walks here among us and what can happen when we close our eyes. Don’t believe everything you see right in front of you. We are even data enhancing images of those beautiful Hollywood Stars of long ago and even fine tuning Cleopatra’s exotic looks. Everything we value is something we can’t take with us so how can that be the be all, that ends all, all divine.

When you become stagnant you resent the path that you find yourself on. Why am I here and how did I get here did I really do something I would long to forget or is it just a sweet haunting melody serving what can happen if I take too long in the past and somehow forget. All the angels that helped guide me and even gave me a second chance. I can still run and embrace what was promised to me. It is never too late to change the course you find yourself on. I believe. I believe so hard it was like I was shown where it was written in the stars. When my Grandmother came to save me from walking into the great white lite.

Now reflecting back on my life I can see now how all the pieces fit together. In absence of deep human connections I developed a thick skin and story that can touch the hearts of many. For that period of life where I was meant to believe that I had to make it on my own I can finally just fall back and relax. Where the essence of myself became so distorted in that blackhole period of my life I see why now. If I had any anchors to keep me in one place I never would have experienced it all. Sad eh? It finally all makes sense. Why I became the way I am and who I evolved into being. Chances are I never would have discovered this if it wasn’t my intuitive approach to life and the possibility of what it could all mean. We are all destined for success, it is our birth right it is just up to us to finally understand what that word actually means and become it.

What you believe helps. How you believe also helps. How often are you showing up and are you trying to make it all count. It can’t just be a one off but a dedicated approach. Those who get it got it and all other’s, well I hope they choke. I didn’t say that. At least out loud. To be a witness to a beautiful life that is wrapping up and coming to an end is oh so bittersweet. In one sense there is so much pain in knowing that one day soon they will no longer be there. The happiest moments of their lives have now come and gone as they wait for this story to end and for the next one to begin. I can’t help but think of those that have come into my life and gone and those that have done everything in their power never to show up. What we have to endure as humans all comes to a crashing halt when it comes to the end. How quick we seem to slip through another’s fingers when we spent our whole life time ensuring that those beings were being fed. Now they can’t even show up to pay their respects. That nauseating feeling that comes over me will never, ever go away.

I can speak because I know that feeling of being shunned. It started with the hand of cards I was dealt when I was only 13. At 13 years old I was given a sentence that would promise to keep my Dad at bay. I would drink and indulge in drugs just to forget that my Dad had thrown me away. Like a piece of garbage like those who came before. I never knew how hard it was to journey this life alone until it came and slapped me right in the face. What children do to their parents when they are nearing the end of their lives can only be amounted to the pain and torment that they had caused. I see so many entitled children running a muck driving their parents into an early grave. Not the young ones under foot I mean the ones that never go away. They fester like an untreated wound just causing irritation and causing others to feel disarray. What other’s feel they are entitled too always comes at another’s expense or worse yet decay. I don’t want to live this life if I have to keep on paying by these rules. Death is coming for all of us one day the when and where some of us may never now however, for a very select few who get to age out in this story we call life should be treated like the treasure that only a life well lived could hold.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s