Perceived as Superficial

There are those in life so jealous of another’s success that they turn a shade deeper then that of any envy. Their thoughts curdle in their minds as they frantically scamper to sell out another so they can learn to live another day. Those people scare me the most. The ones without loyalty cursing through their veins. Who will do anything to bring on another’s demise.

The biggest fear that most of us have is the fear of being socially accepted. It used to be mine. I think that is something that is conditioned inside of us at a very young age. We need to have friends. We crave to have our existence validated, its just more often then not we find ourselves in something we can’t handle and spinning out of control. Does anybody ever play nice anymore or is everybody out there just trying to win?

Authentic representation is everything to me, which is incredible fleeting in this outside world. Why be who you were born to be when you can fabricate a lie to present to the outside world?  Dipping in only to slang your own sh*t long enough till others grow tired of you and begin to leave. Never trust those standing on the outside looking in unless they are the ones who put themselves there instead of getting cast aside and away.

There are those content in making a mockery of others by making what they value most into a crude joke. Failing to understand, they can’t even relate so how long do the majority stand along the sidelines and wait? Do we have too? Why? I will never understand that part of the human physche. Everybody preaches that they are all inclusive is but the reality is they can never hope to be or ever will. There will always be somebody who we perceive to be better and instead of accepting them for the being they truly are we would rather throw them all away. Who teaches us to be that way? So filled with jealousy and hate we can’t even see through our own eyes. As much as it hurts when somebody turns their back on me I will still dig my heels in and live free.

There are those who will not like you simply because they don’t like themselves. They will wag their fingers every which way instead of back at them where the finger pointing originates and truly belongs. Those that are so jaded they can’t even see past their own nises are the ones that you should keep away. They can’t be trusted with their own thoughts and all their failed attempts at trying to be heard. The reason why they are so easily irritated is because they can never penetrate your strong, silent fortress and how you can easily sideline your anger and keep them on reserve. Don’t let somebody who is clearly beneath you take your emotions and let them rise.

I guess in my life you can say I have a lot of acquantainces. Not too many out there I would bare my soul too. All too often there are those who are just out there to hurt you, trying to take your smile away and sometimes worse. There is no greater irritation to me then the being who pretends that they are friends to everybody because the reality is they will never include me. I know I am different. I was raised with a different moral code. If you have nothing nice to say to those in front of you just turn an walk away. Don’t roll your eyes and engage in lies what kind of woman actually behaves in this way.

Those who judge without living in glass houses should never be entitled to throw stones. I am tired of having a finger wagged at me for how I choose to medicate I just wish that some people would go away. At 300 mg of effexor, zoplicon and ativan I wasn’t me. Not even close. I became somebody who wasn’t even me. I shunned away those that showed me their true colors and what side of the fence they actually lived on and I continued  on a journey that was 100% truly me. Sure it hurts when those you enjoy in life just cut you off but my life has value too.

To me jealousy is the most archaic of human emotions. It is the reason why so many act so depraived. Those feelings that erupt and bubble over at times can still be managed if the right mind is strong enough and able. I can appreciate and fully agree that sometimes the actions of others can truly hurt. We are only human after all and can only handle so much so when our emotions vet away from us we all better watch out or pay the ultimate price. I am trying to be a master of my emotions but some days I still need to just pull out my hair. We all do don’t we? I know I do. There are those days that I am just out of it and I feel absolutely insane.

Shots FIRED and will be retaliated if aimed at my way. I can’t handle those that think for whatever reason they deserve to breathe cleaner air. Do they though? Not on my watch! I would rather be 110% authentically me then be a terrible version of somebody else? Wouldn’t you? It’s not as easy as one may think. To what others perceive as being superficial I just see it as being me and I am sometimes hated for that. I used to be get annoyed but in the end I learn to just ignore it and use it as fuel instead.

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