Am I Neurotypical?

If you are like me you might laugh out the idea of being classified in this category but then all of a sudden it hits you…am I being insulted? So I did what anybody would do in this situation and looked up the definition. I didn’t want to be mislead with my own interpretation so I had to make sure I got it right.

So let’s start by definition so we can properly formulate our thoughts and intentions from there.

“neu·ro·typ·i·cal

[ˌn(y)o͝orōˈtipikəl]

ADJECTIVE

  1. not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior:”neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one or the only correct one”

This is the assumption made about me? That I believe that my experience of the world is the correct one? I sure hope not. I sure hope what I had to endure throughout my 40 plus years another being will never have to experience. That is why I do what I do and am so bold in my presentation to pave the way for other beings just to be free. I am tired of a world so quick to categorize all the beings in their general vicinity. I am for one not ever going to fit into a standard or typical box nor should you.

This has festered inside me in all sort of ways realizing that the world isn’t as compassionate as one would hope or even thought. I need the world to understand one thing. NOTHING was ever handed to me, I was always spinning on an empty hamster wheel trying to find my place where I would finally fit in, now once again I don’t. Once again I am tired of telling my truth and have it picked all to pieces. There are those that only look for what they need to use it against you and all other beings. The rage that oozes from their pores is super unsettling to me. Did I really deserve to be called all these names and have all this negativity and hate directed to me? Maybe I should shut up and let the rest of the world pass me by. That would be a lot easier than coming alive in this social media world. Nobody is who they say they are and when they get the courage to finally speak there is a vulture waiting in the horizons to eat you in your entirety in one bold sweep.

So now here I am engaged by an entity that is easily irritated and can I say enraged. All I am trying to do is mitigate through this sh*t fueled world now I have to worry about all the others too. I have always been honest in my approach, maybe too much so, now when forced with an angered being all I want to do is run away. There are those that honestly believe that they are kind and then there are just those in the wings waiting to take you down. What I know in all this years of experience you don’t have to just sit and wait around for somebody to finally accept you, you can finally be that being that accepts you first. How do you feel about that? Get to you know you better than anybody else and don’t believe what all those haters and strangers may think. Am I neurotypical? Not a chance in hell. There is no way I would ever try to prevent another being then living their lives and becoming all that they can be. So now I feel insulted and horrified that the tables are trying to get turned. All I did was express MY feelings in regards to this scenario and no scientific research or definition can justify that. Who I am and how I feel is a combination of events that have happened over all these years. Some good. Some bad. Some I have never shared because the secrets that I keep could hurt another very deep. So stranger that came out of the shadows to impose your two cents should I put any weight into the words that you are saying or should I believe the little girl inside of me. The little girl who survived every person in her life that tried to tell her that she shouldn’t or that she can’t. For every being that has every pointed their finger my way and tried to shun me for just trying to breathe I forgive you but I you will never get close to me. Becoming a close, confidant to me is a priviledge not a right and it all begins with the words that you believe and begin to say. Your behaviour is inevitable so I will go and live another day.

Now these are just my thoughts about a situation that has arose and it deeply affected me. Not having many I trust in this life I kept this malicious keyboard attack completely to myself. I couldn’t engage. How could I? From the time I get up is a constant attack on my character. Be a better mom. Be a better wife. This is why you have no friends. This is why you have no life. Every little thing hurts and then my son gets up. There is no sinking feeling greater than hearing your son get so enraged. He needs help beyond what a mother can normally give. Have you ever heard your son talk about killing themselves and did I mention that he is only 4? Yes at 13 I threatened suicide but I was just raped. Did I squish my son to react like me? At 4 I would like to hope I didn’t, so? Of course I shut myself off because the life that I am living really hurts and it completely sucks. I think one of the first insults you slang at me was that you aren’t me you aren’t Instagram? At the time I was thinking what exactly is that supposed to mean? But I let it slide like the first time my guard goes up because we are all human and deserve a second chance. But this thing neurotypical? Nah that isn’t me. I would never hinder a life from being what they were destined to be like you were attempting to do to me.

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