These are the words my not so loving husband uttered to me on Mother’s Day right before I drifted off to sleep. Forget the fact he was absent for most of the day or that when he was around me he kept swearing and yelling calling me names to cement away the facts.
The only facts that I see is the sanctity of marriage means nothing now and it’s not the men. I see so many women covered in whips and chains becoming archaic with their mannerisms and presence. Haven’t we evolved beyond lying on our back and insisting on our sexual identity and revolution? This tormented thought was something trying to borrow inside my brain but my noble ancestral line would never let me betray its source. I am so much more than a woman in control of her body and sexual identity. So much so that there is value in keeping myself celibate instead of trying to profit off of it in some way. Shouldn’t we try to preserve our beautiful essence instead of diluting it with any Tom, Dick and Harry?
What so many fail to understand or even consider is there is value in trying to maintain who you are. To live your life in your own best image and never pay no mind to the evils of the world. We live in a time where it is far easier to not identify with the bodies we were born into because who likes to be limited and bound to an entity in such a way. We categorize what it means to be human and then watch as some others put it on display. In the era of owning your secual identity and prowess I am going to say we have failed as humans as we begin to witness heart ache and all sorts of decay.
My biggest fear is we are losing all that it means to come alive. Every species needs a male and female to prolong their species. How do you think it is that they have children then teach them all they know to survive. Animals move on instinct but our intelligent brain tells us not to do that. We think we know EVERYTHING as we descend onto beings to exert our control. We will tell anybody who dares to live just a little bit differently that they are wrong and need to conform. I don’t conform for nobody. Not even my husband. He believes U should behave a certain way and as long as I have decorum and manners what should it matter?
I don’t want to profit off of the depraived behavior of other beings. We would never allow a woman to suffer at the hands of another especially when we have had the opportunity to heal and love in all of righteous ways. What some beings think they are entitled to spew speaks volumes to the tiny holes in their brain. The idea that we just sleep around until one entity sticks is the very reason why we find ourselves to be in the state that we are in.
It’s not a sexual revolution if we are not in control. The wanton ways we excuse away our actions exclaiming it is our life and we need to be in charge. Sure we are. In some form of another but I can’t entertain any longer that the behavior of the majority is the only way. We need to rise up and stand up against this great evil that has come to take us. How can I explore what it means to come alive sexually when their are beings being raped on the other side of the world. When we glorify sex we say it is ok to take the innocence away from the Mother and children who were destined to protect us when we are forced to watch these Russian soldiers have their way. My ancestral line is tainted with these beings. My family came to Canada to escape War 2 and now we live in a time where there is an underlining evil trying to settle the score.
There is a very real feeling that comes over me that somebody my ancestors have crossed path with is now the greatest evil we have ever come to know. Although we hail from the pacifist lands of Georgia USSR there is a very real possibility that a cousin, aunt or uncle has made their way to Russia. With all these real possibilities I want to live in my best image instead of getting attention by showing off my tits and *ss. There is being in control of your body and sexuality then there is just losing all control and telling everybody you are just trying to be free. As we age we have no choice to become the example so what is it in life you are trying to say. Are you in love with your life or are you content on being somebody else? So many of us have no idea what we are doing so we become a version of ourselves that is eccentric and mean. For me I come alive when I surround myself with the simplistic nature of life. Free from the preconceived notion of what has arose before.
I keep to myself for the most part because what other beings are capable of has broken my heart and left me feeling depraived. When forced to witness what others will do just to get ahead makes me thankful in this moment that I am told to eat sh*t instead. Yes it hurts to constantly get belittled inside these 4 walls and house but at least I know where the attacks are coming from and I could never say the same about anybody else.