Our origins is something so much more than whose legs we decided to drop out of. The reality of it all is that maybe the family we are born into, just maybe, may not have our best interests at all. Consider what they do with you when you have nothing but yourself to give. I can’t decipher the language anymore. In times there are those around me who would never completely let me fall, I think but when push comes to shove I think they would rather have it so I may just never get up.
When the Universe always has the upper hand you have to manipulate the ways you decide to succumb to her. Do you open up your heart and close your eyes and just your natural instinct and order take over? In my mind I know that the majority of the free world always has a cell phone in their other hand. The idea that it would take some days, enter weeks, then a whole month to slide by…nah. I am tired of all those picking getting off instead of picking true love. I hate all the ways they chose to let my bloodline bleed. So many people say that blood is thicker than water but when allowed to mingle it seems to me that blood quickly disperses. Floating around just for a second it will begin to pool at the bottom mimicking the way that my family around me behaves. Don’t bother coming around when you have absolutely nobody or you need me. I learned to live without you almost 30 years ago.
I got to find a way so that my past no longer harms me. Vivid nightmares take me back to the room I used to sleep in all this time ago. Oddly I painted my adult bedroom the same color as my youth, it’s like I am trying to confront my demons subliminally but I am not sure how. What I know for sure is that I am weirder than most. I don’t need material items to make me feel worthy and safe. Ya sure I grew up incredibly spoiled but where did that get me? It got me isolated from the first man I truly loved and told my heart to always be at war. Never live in peace again because the lies they told you are all coming true. Human nature dictates that they care more about taking their clothes off and getting off, always looking to greener pastures so they can keep on getting their bellies filled.
When I open my eyes I forget who I am. I don’t recognize how I even got here or how I arrived here all alone. Constantly agitated I look for the truth but how can I begin to look for answers when the world is in such turmoil. Every which way I look there is murder in the streets and rage in our hearts. Why give a man an open hand when you can cold cock punch him right right in the face. I like to think about where we will be when we are old and if anybody will come round to our place when we have finally aged. Have we lived the best life paying respect to the living and honouring our deceased or have we kept on manipulating a system that is no longer relevant in this space? Of course we aren’t our ancestors as we aren’t living in the same time but we are the very essence of who they had hoped and wished we would be. They had youth on their side once and now they don’t have any friends no more. Everybody has somewhere better to be when you lay old and dying they don’t even pay you the respect. I wish the world could remember that they too were young once before they closed their eyes now they can’t even recognize the reflection that is staring them right back. How sad it is watching what it is we are becoming all I know in my heart is I can’t live this life like this no more.
Take yesterday for example. All I wanted was to get by the water and feel the dirt, rocks and sun on my face. I needed to be connecting with pure life and nature before it was polluted by all these obnoxious free thinkers. Imagine at 9 am getting the once look over and scoffed at. What club did you crawl out of at this time of day? Uhmmm no Karen I have already been to sleep and where this is your greatest accomplishment I can’t help but dream. With my rainbow tail in tow I flashed her a ruby lipped smile and kept on my way. Sure I live a life that most don’t understand but do I really deserve to be ridiculed for it? All I want is to feel connected with nature, the life source that is all that is me. I wish I was born to fit in…or do I? Living the simple life just seems so mundane. I know that I am hated because it stems right from my family. Jealousy is the fuel that feeds many but for me it just leaves me feeling so incredibly empty. So I sat there on the rocks in my flower top and tail and connected with the outside world that I think finally gets me. I went live on the banks from my Instagram handle (@missrubysweetcheeks) and fell in love with the world once again. For a moment I was one with the source of life that I was given never to be seen from or heard from again.
I had so much positive feedback from my last Behind the Scenes Mermaid Reel that I made another one for y’all to enjoy ❤