Are You Happy?

I for one spend so much time trying to make everybody around me happy that it has been a lot of hard work and forgiveness to keep on trying to put myself first. Do you agree or disagree? Truly, there are those we speak of who we say where their hearts on their sleeves that we don’t seem to taken aback when they meet they own demise. Why is it we are so quick to offer a stranger hospitality when it has become more than apparent all they are to us are lies. What would you sacrifice in order to keep another being happy? Would you allow for another being to take your own life? How about your friends? Then finally your parents? That is what happened to one teenage girl when she met a boy in person for the very first time. She put this strange boys feelings ahead of her own fears and insecurities then this sick twisted individual finished them all off with an ax. If you don’t believe me read the story ( My heart feels heavy just knowing that he is to blame.

So here’s the deal. The whole time that they were talking online he portrayed himself to be somebody else. All her parents were trying to do was to be good parents and allow for their daughter to have a little bit of fun. Supervised fun at that. There was never, ever a possibility that she wanted her online love to become so in real life. He wasn’t who he was online and instead of asking who it was they had in front of them they sadly opened up their family to this monster. They thought to themselves let’s just get through this week and then we can put this all behind us but the physco that lived inside him had something devious planned in his mind. This is how sex kills because it perverts an already distorted mind. It will allow a coward to kill those who gave him a place to stay in their sleep. One by one he finished them off with an ax. An ax of all things. Then he lived there for days while her friends family panicked looking for her. Wondering where she was and why all of a sudden she stopped answering her phone. This is how he handled rejection. This is how he perverted the very meaning of being human by taking away our very essence while our loved ones sleep. Mind you the Dad came into the house days later trying to appease her friends mom’s mind. What he walked into moments before he died I can not even begin to wrap it around in my brain. An entire family gone because of an online date gone wrong. Is this where we have taken what it means to be human and how is it that we have gotten it twisted for so long?

I need to know if you are happy because that is all that truly counts. Is there something that you can be doing to fix it without you having to take it out on somebody else? Sure I am filled with some rage and we only know that I have a huge capability to hate. I build up these walls to keep the madmen from reaching me because I know what happens to you if they finally get a hold of you. They make it so you win. For all those nights that I find myself blacked out from alcohol it never took away my pain. In fact. In that headache fog of extreme nausea all I could think of was dying and any another sweet relief and escape. Drinking always made it worse. Enter severe depression and melancholy. I knew if I was ever going to survive I needed somehow to begin to deal with the pain. No longer desperate for acceptance it was easier to take a look at my life. What was it that I needed to accomplish before I found myself under the cadaver knife. People weren’t the answer and neither was the acquisition of expensive things. I always tend to look towards what others were able to survive in the absence of and what is it they longed for when it came to the end of their lives. People leave. They have to. They got lost way into the wind as they are carried off into the night. If a family can be lost forever from this timeline then who am I to keep arguing about all the frivolous things I can’t obtain. I still can’t believe what humans are capable of so I need to do the things that are always going to be making me happy. So what on Earth is that?

My husband likes to talk a lot about how there is nothing after we die. So depressing and my least favourite topic but I always like to try and play with his mind. I don’t believe so much that there is nothing because we are in fact energy and like the almighty Science has proven energy never dies it just changes forms and we are so warm and then we get so cold and then there is this whole idea that we are some sort of divine light. ***Sigh*** I believe we are all made from the stars and various light beams and somehow over time we get absorbed back into the spectrum from which it is that we have come from. That what we do here on Earth determines what side of the spectrum we find ourselves divenly laying on. For example those that are evil weigh heavier and they sink back into the darkness from which they were from. Then you have those that are forever so virtuous they are filled with such buyount, golden, fluency that they rest above us all. Where the majority of us fall is in the colors of the rainbow because we can’t be with somebody who irritates us beyond all means. So in the end it is like a rainbow color grading system that has you resting among like mind and friends. At least that is what I like to tell my mind when I am forced to think of where I am going because who truly likes to talk about where we are going when this all comes to an end.

I do love my family and I do love my home and I guess true to nature I had to have a marriage that was kinda, sorta like it is. If I had to picture my perfect couple when I was younger it was always Peggy and Al Bundy. I like to look fancy and he is Mr Grumbles in my mind. We are two opposite sides of the spectrum but for 5 years it has worked so we leave it as it is. Sure I don’t leave the house much but it’s because my family is truly so huge. With so many of us to care for under one roof anything can happen, take last year we lost 2 birds, a cat, a chinchilla and a skinny pig. Sounds horrific doesn’t it? There’s a lot going on just ask our vet. We never waiver for a minute when it comes to their care, you should see some of the reasons we have taken them in. Our vet lives 5 minutes away and because there is so many of us she just pops them in between appointments. We have 9 cats, 3 dogs, 2 chinchillas, 5 budgies, and 3 hermit crabs. All of them rescued from the pound or free from online. I like being home. That is my zen and my happy place. Now I need to know…are you truly happy?

Thank you so much for reading my posts I sure do appreciate all the love and support. At times I wonder why I keep putting myself out there than I get another comment or some feedback that just touches my heart. Thank you. If you have some time check me out on my other social media sources:




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