Price to Pay

Composing ones thoughts is hard. Putting them together into a nice concise package to peak another’s curiosity and brain is another thing entirely. I am not everybody’s cup of tea. In fact I think my cup is kept in a constant state of being luke warm. As much as I want to put myself out there I shy myself away wondering if there is anyway the decision I am about to make will come back and haunt me. Did you know that by taking all the homicides in the world, roughly, you will come to the conclusion that most murders happen at around 1:20am on a Tuesday? In fact this one teeny tiny bit of information is so potent that you have one of the top Detectives in Colorado recommending if you aren’t doing anything at that time maybe you should lock yourself up in a closet and hide. I wonder what makes people lose their mind at around this time and what pushes them over in their mind that finally says to them and those around them that they finally have had enough.

A normal person would never behave in such a way. They would understand that we are each born with our own free will and we can’t force anybody in our lives to want to live or even accept us no matter how much we want to distort our reality and make it so it is so. When you think about it why would you need to constantly be exclaiming your virtues? When you are around your own people you all sort of just know. You don’t need to over exclaim your side like you are somebody who needs to be on the immediate defense. Your story and your need for flair is all that is needed who truly cares in the end how it is you even wore your hair? What I find a little bit entertaining is all those who point their fingers at me when they choose to read between the lines. It isn’t my fault that others misconstrue the way that I tell my story, these are my feelings that always come swelling up in my brain so I set them free. All I am trying to do is get people to open their eyes to how life is supposed to be. Not all so central focused with only 1% of the population able to afford to come out for high tea.

The ability to keep the majority of us suppressed, working our fingers to the bone as all made us modern day slaves working towards another’s empire. I still don’t understand why the monarchy sit on top of all that stolen gold or why my government keeps throwing cash to silence the enquiries on so many children’s graves. You think it would be easy being able to do what is right. Who cares about those who have done wrong before you when you have the power to eventually settle the score. You can make living almost bearable for every single soul. Which in my eyes is why you were born to begin with to give back what your ancestors have taken and keep doing so until you can’t give no more. Doesn’t that seem easy? Be infinitely kind knowing that you can’t get out of here alive and in the absence of taking it all with you why not share it with the masses before you hit your shallow grave. Become a modern day hero instead of a driver of slaves. Set the standards of living equal in the way that only you and your family can.

There are those that only care about getting their own rocks off then trying to profit off everybody else’s insecurities and weakened mind. Don’t we all want to feel like we are being loved and accepted even if it happens to be a fantasy we are harbouring inside of our own minds. Nobody needs to know that we get off in such a way, as long as we don’t have to face rejection I think maybe in the end we just might be ok. That fear of rejection is what sits like a cold lump in the bottom of my stomach. Nothing heightens my depression more than insults and an angry, upset face wagging their finger right in front of mine. I try so hard to do what I think will keep others happy around me and all they do is look for no ways to be upset with me. Ever clean a bathroom that has been left a little horrifying to be told you did a real sh*tty job of cleaning it? Not only that but then it starts on everything else. It makes a woman not want to give a damn but I was raised better so I rise up again and keep on telling myself I think I can. I don’t want to think I can’t and I don’t want to give in to this monster inside my head that is always trying to win. Why take what he has to say so personal anyways? cuz it hurts! And who wants to feel everyday like this? Not me!

Do you have spidey senses that causes you to run away or do you hide them deep down so that they never go into play? You know what I am saying. When you meet somebody for the first time and they initially just give you the creeps but you push that fear aside and try to tell you that you must be wrong to be feeling that way. What if that wasn’t a feeling but an inkling from your ancestors to try and warn you about your potential plight? What if those senses and nerves that you are feeling is somebody who is loving you still from beyond the grave? Why is it we are so quick to turn on ourselves and take in a stranger? Why is it ok for us to be the ones that is always in some sort of danger? My Dad always told me before who you hang out with because those are the ones that can end up hurting you the most in the end. Just look at any wife of a spouse who was caught cheating on them and ask yourself why is it the innocent ones that always have the highest price to pay?

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