I think about the type of person you would need to be to always want to take away the shine from another human being. Not so much human but as long as they are living they will always become collateral damage and fair game and it is all denounced to me.

Every day is a new obstacle course to try and get through before that proverbial clock shows that we have run out of time. We are all privy to the same amount of hours interwoven into everyday and some of us our content in wasting all of our precious free time. Not me. I prefer to pave a path that only I can see and even less will desire to journey with me. Coming alive isn’t for anybody when it has long been established how easy to some lying dormant can actually be.

It’s easy isn’t it? Sitting there in the corner hoping and praying for another beings demise. Not that you care if they are alive or not you just hope that they have it in them not to succeed. Everything that they do becomes highly caustic to you because you would rather sit in the shadows then come out in the sun with me.

You can’t deny that I try. I try harder than most but my reality is that somebody who is lazy has this desire to come and derail me. For lack of trying they become obsolete in their own life as they come to the realization that they find themselves standing here all alone and it’s not by choice. I prefer to stand alone as I am done playing these mind games. I am who I am say I am it’s not my fault that you are scared to live free. I live that life that not many understand because I have come to realization that not everything is meant to be desired or even obtained for free.

I invest in the life around me in all of the righteous ways. I tend to those things that will nurture me going into the future instead of trying to drag me down into the quicksand. Those with no grounds to stand on always try to take you down. There are friends who only know how to throw stones so I keep them on the down low and I tuck them far away. Who needs to constantly here why you are a failure in this life. In the eyes of those who will only fear you all they can ever do is look at you with disgust and hate.

I tell my story because I need to share my pain in the hopes that I can save another from ever having to feel this way. Just because something terrible was used to define you doesn’t mean that that always has to be the way. Kindness in the hearts and minds of even a stranger can help you realize that in turn every dog does have his day. Well I hope that they do. Their undying loyalty will forever and always remain firmly in my heart. There has never been an animal I have known who has betrayed me. In fact I am the monster that has turned my back on them from time to time. I remember when I was young and I thought that I knew better than how it felt to always be unconditionally loved.

We all act like we are getting out of here alive and that in the future somebody will remember our good name. How could that even be possible if you cut off all family ties and ancestral routes? Once you move on from this realm to the next all that you will be remembered for is who were in this life. Parents who shamed their children for no good reason other than to keep another person happy will one day meet their own demise. Who will come to your funeral or visit your grave side when you have no connection left to the life you created and the outside world that still remains?

I think about humans and our love of committing suicide. In Canada alone there are 4,000 deaths by suicide every year with 1/3 of those deaths occurring between 45-59 years of age. How can we truly know why somebody decided to end there life in this way but it is a common feeling to want to escape being a burden to anybody else. In South Korea these rates are highest among the elderly as there is a movement towards children not caring for their parents in their Golden Age. They would rather end their life than be known as a burden and to me we rob ourselves of one of the greatest ages.

I suppose that is all we have to look forward to as the life we have been accustomed to slowly and eventually gets taken away. Ever walk the halls of a retirement home? You can observe and get a feeling to exactly what I am saying and what it is all supposed to mean. We give up our best years to somebody else just to lay us in the ground. Vultures circle overhead voraciously as they pick over what is left of us and wait for another to pick up the pieces and come and visit to spend time with you and see. See if your health is failing or maybe they are hoping that you will quickly lose your mind. There is something to be said for this obsessive movement towards those who just want our elderly to go away. Tuck them away so nobody sees them so they are no longer a burden to you and me.

I don’t want to identify with being human. I want to be recognized as an entity that loved all life. To impose rules and regulations onto what life should ideally mean is the biggest tragedy of all and imposes a weight that not many can carry. Sure it is easy to wag a finger and bat an eye but are we truly awoke and privileged to understand what that all means? I don’t think I am worthy of an existence above anybody else but do you? We are all in this boat together. If you sink, I sink too.

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