Surviving Abuse

On the same day that R Kelly gets sentenced to 30 years we celebrate another entity that likes to use and abuse our children.

I shouldn’t say anything but I know that I need to speak up. Being abused mentally, physically and sexually as a teen girl I think I know a fraction of the feelings that are swelling around inside each Indigenous person’s brain. I don’t want to assume but coming face to face with the one in charge of spreading such evil across this land no apology could ever make do. There are so many reasons why this is so absurd and without stepping on any toes let me try to explain.

These children weren’t raped by a little old Grandpa that can barely get out of his chair. They were abused by the leaders that stand before us and they come in the shape that is mostly middle aged. Who fears the reaper when he is knocking on Death’s door? You can’t. When he comes he comes for one reason and there is no bartering away or excusing off those facts.

On the news they show a panel of deaf Indigenous leaders who are offering their forgiveness to him. They picked a non confrontational group to be the representation of peace and as a survivor of abuse this has me beyond angry at best. To stare into the eyes of their abuser is what they wanted and what they got was a little old man. What is obvious from this lil set up is they want to keep it peaceful with no chance for real forgiveness just peace on their terms.

It’s easiest for the abuser to forget and go on after all that they have done. These were able bodied middle aged, middle classed citizens that became the face of terror for all little kids. It is not so much the church as an entity that let this go on. It is every person you cross in the street who had potential to be connected to a being that was responsible for hitting these little kids. That is what is unnerving to me. There is no accountability to the terror they unleashed. It’s like the children of the Epstein trial. When push comes to shove we only care about protecting the beast. Look around you and consider when do we ever put children first? Do they always have to wait for their time coming so that their innocence is forever taken and there ain’t no way for it to ever come back?

The reason why I try so hard to succeed is a long time ago there was a man who stood in front of my constantly trying to get me to believe all the reasons why I couldn’t and why I should always take him back. That there is nothing that I could achieve in life flying solo and that I would have to have a man to help protect my back.

The only time a partner is truly necessary is when it comes to raising a family. A family should be raised together with both parties ideologies, beliefs and of course limitless love. When one party works the other loves and cares for their children and teaches them the basics as they prepare their kids for school. Somewhere along the line we perverted this whole trust as we decided to one up what was already been done as they began beating the very essence of these beings that were incredibly beyond us and entirely unique.

Why would such beliefs be stunted if only to show others that they can make others bend and conform to their ways. If you weren’t turning a profit for the Queen then you were an enemy. Now tell me why you want to belong to a class of citizens that behaves in such a way. They can’t be trusted. They will prove that over and over again with our own eyes.

I am a survivor of child abuse at a time in my life when I thought that nothing could ever change. It was my fault for not speaking up but I was scared. Then there was the idea that I just had to be right. I used to fight with my parents about seeing this guy and then he turned on me and beat my *ss everyday. How’s that for going to bat for somebody? I still remember the look in his eyes when he turned on me. There is just something to being said for looking for love in all the wrong places then when you finally find it being too scared to leave.

It’s a very slippery slope when all this comes to light. I used to love R Kelly’s music but does that mean that I am a condoner of abuse and rape? I remember countless times just sitting and daydreaming about music and finding a man to love me in all the ways he spoke of but does that mean that I am ok with everything that he did? I had no idea he was such a creep. A pervert yes but I had no idea that he could be the monster in every girls dreams.

That is who the Pope is to so many others. We will lock R Kelly away so he can never see the light of day but we will spend 4 million dollars on the Pope to make sure that he arrives alive. In times where the world is in complete turmoil this is what we do to keep the dreams of young people alive? This is the weirdest culture to me where it seems that we glorify those who can hurt others by putting them on a pedestal and make the victims of their antics pay the ultimate price. I never claimed the Grandfather figure victimized all these young people, you did, now find a better way to make what happened all these years ago to our Indigenous babies right.

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