What is wrong with the human race? Well from what I can see getting your rocks off is the be all end all. If you aren’t capturing yourself in a lewd position to try and captivate attention then you are saying something so out there to get the masses to stop and wonder what the f is going on?

We all need to get paid and in these rising times of inflation I understand that we have to do what is necessary to make sure that there is food on the tables and our bellies are full and fed. I guess I am bothered because there is somebody whom I thought I respected in the community who offered to suck off my married friend for a little bit of THC diamonds. I mean there was no thought or regards to the fact that he has been with his partner for 20 plus years or that he had two children it was tell me what I need to do to get my lips around what you have. Now I am bothered and not in the hot and heavy kind of way. It’s in that how dare a woman be so crass with her intentions all for a little high that will soon be going away.

Is this who we became as we grew older? People who regarded our bodies as tickets towards getting what we want most. Isn’t this feeding into the beast to make sure that they get there way. Feeding into addictions we release a poison that will be knocking down every door and taking all of our innocence away. It starts oh so nonchalantly peeking into a life that you wished you had. No reason to work harder than those closest to you when you can just roll over and stay as still as you can while lying flat on your back. Don’t get me wrong I am not apposed to sex. It is just the most archaic of emotions that is used to prolong our species and until we can control all those feelings we are as primitive as our ancestors.

I feel like we are living in the world of bargain porn. No offense. I understand that some need to do what needs to be done but in the era of real Porn stars I think we failed as humans to make our mark. Shouldn’t we leave it to the professionals instead of trying to portray these emotions ourselves. Don’t you think this will feed more fury and anger when feelings aren’t being reciprocated and what has been engaged in has gone right to ones head? I don’t want to dilute my energy than anybody else than my true love or better half. I was tricked once to spend a life with somebody who had less than honourable intentions. I will be damned if I will ever let it happen twice.

So I want to try attracting bees to honey by just being sweet. I want all to know that I am after all just little old me. I am that small girl who was raised on her farm by her family. Whose best friends where her grandparents and all the cows that they had growing up on the farm. My roots is what controls me always bringing me back to those days. If only I could find me a partner to live on that porch swing in my golden days. I will never forget this period of my life that became to painful to bare. Everyday is a new list of ways that I failed sprinkled with some insults just to keep me paralyzed and my free will away.

Does sex sell? Of course it does but I think I am good on my own and I would prefer to wait. My son spent time up in there waiting to come and meet me. Why would I let anybody with a rod come and prod me in such a way. I want to be loved and desired like the woman that I am and if that is not going to be possibly then I suppose all I can do is wait. Once you know what it feels like to be touched by somebody who has the power to energize why waste your time sweating below the most depraved. I know that I am worthy of a feeling that is so much better than what most of the masses will succumb to and enjoy.

Sure the thought has crossed my mind what if love never comes my way? That feeling never bothers me much because I am surrounded by a different type of love that fills my heart everyday. I don’t have an hour or two to waste around with some less than par individual. We have the same 24 hours to do what we will with it, what do you do with the time you were given or do you throw it all away? Look what we are doing to our children. They are growing up with no identity because they don’t know what identity to have. All they look for is unconditional acceptance and it is hard to find in this cold, sex driven world.

Take me for example. I have lived the same way for over 5 years give or take a few tasks here and there. My blog for example I try to do daily but mom life will always take precedence and then sleep tends to knock me out and carry me away. Reading is a luxury and my violin playing has been pushed to the side. It was far easier when my little one napped that is for sure. Then I do my hair and make-up because practice makes perfect don’t you think? Imagine being an athlete on game day who hasn’t practiced every single day. It doesn’t work. I know it seems comical but this is my purpose. I love to be a part of the community in my own individualistic ways. I don’t by into this need to be a domineering bully when I know I am fully capable of rising up to the challenge and walking away.

I guess that is why I am hated because I try to leave this world as beautiful to which it was that I came. I love doing my hair, make-up and to dress accordingly…lol even I could not keep a straight face. I dress up daily, usually, as did my Grandmother tending to her family and her farm in the most loving and feminine ways. I wish we could remember what it felt like to be connected to somebody instead of trying to chase all that purity and goodness away.