Miss Your Mark

If you don’t believe in yourself wholeheartedly than you will always be disappointed with your results are lack there of and that simply can not do.

Think about when people ridicule or try to suppress your emotions that in somehow what is bubbling up inside of you is wrong and should make no sense. Imagine a world where you hit this continuously and you believe that you are worth more rusted over than trying to shine.

Sure you might miss most of the attempts you make trying to get to where it is you are trying to go but if it becomes so routine it becomes your own religion than aren’t you actually being successful after all?

What drove me always was my desire to not have the bad guys win. That what I was forced to endure came at a cost, yes, but just like at how I always tried to work hard and get through. Like a coal hard at work you turn into something precious and that will last throughout eternity if not more.

Work, work, work continuously work. It may look like I am doing nothing but surviving in my world these days is kind of hard. Once you hit a certain age it’s like all your demons begin to haunt you trying to remind you one more time in living color before you become forgetful in age. Kind of like are you worthy for the next part and how long can you hold your breath? Do you believe, and I mean honestly believe you are worthy to live a more peaceful life? What will you sacrifice to get there or are you happiest in living in your own truth? One day nobody will remember who you even are so isn’t it worth it just a little bit to get up and try.

The evil in those that oppose you will have you believe that you are a being worthy of dirt. The try to taunt you to one day return there and maybe a little bit sooner than anybody had hoped. They troll around with nothing better to do thinking that their acceptance is the be all end all. They will gather up a hoard or two of minions to help do all their evil bidding too.

I don’t want to miss who I was born to be even if I was born to be nothing at all. I know that I am the mom of an incredible little being who deserves to see his mother stand tall and shine. I know one day he will probably read all this that I have wrote and have to come to terms with what as happened to me. I think that where this becomes so important is for him to see that I didn’t let all those bad experiences deter from me trying to reach my dreams.

My dreams I think are fairly simple. I just want to live as happily as I can tending to as many of god’s creatures as possible. Whomever is responsible for making all these wonderful creatures deserves my immense respect and unconditional love. I don’t want to see another being hurt especially when I was given more than one chance. I want to help heal those that have befallen just like me and I think that is worthy of sharing just a bit of honesty.

Sure you may think it maybe too much but let me tell you in my world there is no going back. Once they have shown their unloyalty and that they can’t be trusted but I am sorry my friendship in this life you will never get back. What I offer is unconditional love, acceptance and support and I would expect my family and friends to do the same. I mean they don’t have to if they don’t want to but I will make sure to lock that door behind them and throw away the key.

How many chances should one snake truly get? Sure the first one might not be so venomous but there is no guarantee that you can withstand the next ones bite. Why put yourself through that pain over and over again? This I will never know why. What some people are capable of withstanding will make others just lay down and die.

Shine bright like a diamond till you have nothing left. I know what it feels like to crossover to the other side and I know what it feels like to have to take your last breath. I know what it feels like to lay their with your loved ones at your bed side and you are unable to talk back. That fear that comes over you that this is all over and there is no escaping this. The fear of never knowing your son or seeing your friends and family again puts EVERYTHING into perspective. You feel the bad energy that other people emit and you can’t help but want to run away from it.

Always on guard waiting to see if death is just outside that door I still find a way to reach for the stars. I am not scared of dying today I am scared of not trying to be everything that I was born to try and be. I will do the things that cause other people to shake their heads and contemplate rescuing another animal even though this house is full. I could get salvation in planting some more lettuce seeds nothing makes my chinchillas happier than home grown food.

The good life right? I think I may have made my mark. There is no better feeling on Earth than going into my Garden for Breakfast and Dinner than cuddling up with a cat, or two or three. I love the unconditional acceptance I get because I am the barer of food. I am also down for some extra TLC and snuggles whenever there is downtime to be found.

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