Sitting there waiting I could hear their conversations spilling over into my waiting room. Gasping for air I tried to remain call as my anxiety can creep on quick making it so I can not breathe. I was already a ball a nerves not wanting to hear what was going to be said. I already knew there was a problem with the way my body absorbed my iron supplements. It was easy to tell because of my inability to breathe.

There is a drain on our health care system. That is something that is very obvious for the whole world to see. The world has become accustomed to a walk in lifestyle making us wait hours upon hours like there was nothing else more important in our lives to do. I guess there should be nothing else than trying to find our version of owning our best health but when it comes to me I am far too busy to be waiting around for hours and hours without even being greeted or for a Doctor to be seen.

My appointment was at 4:15 and I already knew that they were closing at 6. I thought by making an appointment it would make the day somewhat easier but in this case it wouldn’t have made a damn. They must not be able to turn away any patient as the walk in list got 20 patients long. As the clock struck 5 I could hear all these giggles and laughter coming from the next room. All they were talking about was their upcoming vacations and what day should they go to their painting club. It went on and on as I sat there and waited then as 5 o clock hit silence.

At 5:15 I got nervous as I had an obligation back home that I had to get to by 6. Silly me for thinking that I could attend an appointment 20 minutes out of town to get the results of my blood work. What’s another day without me being able to breathe?

I went to the desk to cancel and she looked up at me in shock. Like why are you still here? Did the Doctor forget about you? Give me one second to go see where she is at. Nah I am good. You have eaten up enough of my time and not to mention gas. Just let me get the hell out of here so I can be on my way.

Once I got home I called the clinic because I was needing a renewal of my anti-depressants. The head receptionist, who knew me by the way, criticized me for not waiting longer. I physcially couldn’t that is why I made the appointment to which she replied there are more people in this world other than you. Yes I get that but if you were only going to take people as they showed up to let them in then you should have advised me to walk in instead of wasting time just to wait. If I was going to wait anyways wouldn’t it be better to just roll the dice?

Her solution for me wasting two hours already, to which my husband had to take a half day off, was to come in the morning to waste the day away again. She told me to come in at 9 to get on the list, to which I just overheard about 20 phone calls of her telling people to do the same. What I know 110% is my Doctor doesn’t even start before 11 so that is 2 hours of just waiting for her to come on in.

This is such a slippery slope because I never want to assume that what I am going in for is the most important thing. If people are going in to see a doctor it is because they have some sort of concern I just don’t understand the concept of an appointment if all I was going to do in the end was wait. Maybe this is another case of me having to check my privilege of expecting to be seen in a country with more patients than doctors.

Maybe this is just me going insane but I had a thought after all this misery. What if I came an expert on my condition so in turn I can help myself breathe. What is happening to me is an inability to absorb iron which prevents my body from conducting all basic functions ie carrying oxygen to my red blood cells so that I can breathe. Crazy isn’t it? It is more than me just being a vegetarian. There is no way possible I could ever desire to eat murdered meat. The way human beings treat animals in order to get there gullets full is something beyond ludacris to me.

I saw that the medical book for anemia has a 3 to 4 week turn around time before it even gets sent out. It is the medical bible so they always make sure it is up to date so how would that be for a day of light reading. There are diets that one can follow for my specific condition so rather than sitting around complaining I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns. Not to tackle him to the ground but to maybe give him a makeover. There is no way I will ever believe that it is better to live your life filled with so much rage.

What I came to realize is I am already a disaster so what difference does it make if I become a little bit unhinged. I played their game by their rules for way too long now that I think it is time that I look to find a better way. As I increase my iron consumption by careful consideration of what I consume and what I grow I will work towards coming off my anti depressants. I already know what the loose plan is tentatively now time to execute my plan and make my way out of the medical realm and leave.