Nose To the Grind

There are those that are just incredibly jealous because they couldn’t imagine living the life that I was forced to endure. More to that they couldn’t possibly walk a mile in my shoes so they turn on their dollar store slides and hit the door. Don’t let the door hit your flat *ss on the way out Dahlings, those that hate on everybody are definitely not the beings for me.

Imagine casting somebody aside without even knowing them. What if they could be the benefit to your life that your heart has always desired. Truthfully though. If you don’t give people a chance how will you ever stand a chance of evening out the score. You can’t do it alone. Well you can try to. But believe me when I say this it gets exhausting being your own biggest fan.

People make me laugh in the way they decide to pre judge you. Without even saying a word to you they will determine your value and worth and try to get other people to do the same. If the people decide to believe in the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing instead of honouring a true friend, well I see where this is going so let me help you out in the end.

There is a fire that burns inside me that started a long time ago. It started the first time somebody looked down at me and told me that I would never amount to anything. That I would never be anybody but a farmer’s daughter who smelled like cow sh*t. We used to get bugged for living on a farm and I can still hear the laughter from the kids.

My guard started to go up from years of being bullied and teased. It’s like you climb deeper into a shell that you never wanted to be in and you just let the time erode your smile. I hated speaking up and just talking in general. Anytime you give your thought and opinion you open yourself up to fear and rejection, so I never did. Rarely would I. There was only one person I have met that has made all my insecurities melt away. Two if you include his brother but I regard those two as being one and the same. Their energy was similar anyways. It became hard to tell them apart. Until fear ripped us all wide open and we never spoke again.

I prefer my own company, well me among all my pets. Where one leaves another is sure to follow looking for an open lap to take a nap in. I have always had cats around me they have always made me feel safe. I believe they are the gatekeepers to the afterlife. That is why they are so unique in their ways like they are heaven sent. Against all odds I find salvation in myself. Not in an egotistical way but in knowing that is what makes life so special.

The ability to understand yourself and what makes your own heart tick. It goes far beyond what has been handed down to you. This is your instinct and your life’s greatest gift. What my gift is I am able to increase the energy in any room. I have gotten a sense of how to handle most bodies and it becomes easier the more practice that comes with it. Sure I don’t’ have to use it anymore but it is a fine tool to know. It is something so simple and it all begins with stroking another beings ego.

Win the game by playing theirs, knowing your intentions are to live an honourable life. A fool and his money will soon be parted as they move towards their golden years with nothing. The lies told to keep friends will surely come out in the end. That is why I keep shaking my head. At times I believe that I have nothing left to give.

Does it sound like I am manic or maybe bi-polar at best? I feel it at times. With these four walls closing in and time slipping away I think I may have just gone insane. It feels like it has been years since I have seen my mom and in fact I think it may just be going on 4. The pandemic changed everything and brought my fears to the surface above everything else I felt. The righteous entitlement of some while others were forced to live their life in the filth and dirt.

Why be jealous if you can have a friend? Somebody who can understand you and sing your praises when you have nothing left to give. When you turn your back on somebody just because of the way they look you can lose out on the most incredible being You could lose out on somebody who would always be there for an entity who will never be. Some people just want to take away all that you have so they can take away your fire and that includes those who love you. If they can isolate you from those who are worthy than they can manipulate you into being a fiend. Somebody who craves the attention and will do anything just to hear their name. Those people I keep at a far distance to the point where I don’t even take the time out to remember their name.

Missing out on me may just be your biggest mistake. I am loyal, honest and I am trustworthy and if you have been something similar to me than nothing will ever change. I don’t have time anymore to keep on playing these games. I saw what is waiting for me when I reach the other side so it is a situation where I need to keep my blinders on and keep my nose to the grind.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. LAMarcom says:

    “It’s like you climb deeper into a shell that you never wanted to be in and you just let the time erode your smile.”

    I ‘Approve’ This post

    Thank you ‘verbalizing’
    How I feel.



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