The challenge, the real challenge is to try getting through life unscathed. Well of course you are going to get damaged but how much of that damage can you really take? Call it thick skin or maybe just dumb or you finally had it up to your eyeballs with other peoples filth but there are those that I know I will never see again. If you turn your back on me don’t expect forgiveness I am already over that hill and am long gone.
Think about it. There are billions of people out there and the ones cheering you on the loudest don’t even know your real name. They don’t even know if the person you are portraying is the person you actually are or just somebody you appear to be. Those who know you best will feed you to the lions quickest out of jealousy and a refusal to try and understand where you are coming from.
The more real I become the more hated I am because it is almost impossible for others to try and understand why it is I am me. Am I bat sh*t crazy? Possible. But aren’t we all? I am a product of my circumstances where my will to survive was the only reason I came out of it all alive. I am haunted from the experience though. At times demonized as the rage and humiliation builds up inside me and all I want more than anything is for somebody, anybody tell me that they understand.
I hate who they made me. I don’t want to be her but what choice do I have? I can’t go back even though I live through it every singe day. I can’t change the outcome ever because my fate was already sealed and I had to find a way to move on. What I found was a partner who can mimic the rage on the outside of where I found myself to be stuck living in. If only they knew the beginning I was forced to endure maybe they wouldn’t find themselves to be so critical.
Why do I do what I do in this life? It is because I feel connected to the next. I feel this bond between where I was and where I can go as long as I stay focused and determined and truthful to who I am. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t want ill words to escape my lips like so many wolves out there insist upon. Even with my eyes closed I can see the misguided intentions of those who have been sent to defeat me and to them I can’t help smirk and give them a side eye.
The secret to life is life. Not greed. To be able to sustain and love yours and those around you but only those that are pure of heart and won’t mislead. Sharks have one job to do and it is to feast on the remains of the unfortunate so if you find yourself in poor mental health you have to take a look around you and ask yourself why. Who is out there feeding you these kind of feelings acting like fuel to your already out of control fire. You can’t help but laugh when you find yourself out of harms way and you are just waiting for the next fool to ignite.
There is no rest for the wicked unless you are pure than you never have to work a day in your life and the laws of attraction will see that you are sustained. Doesn’t make sense or does it? Think about what you could potentially be capable if pushed to the edge then live there. Take a seat and start looking each over and asking yourself what is their purpose for being here. If you can’t answer that question throw them out.
There is so much shade out there it is a wonder that nothing can grow. When eyes are closed the world appears different. You never have to worry who is out to get you because you live in a world where you simply don’t care. Not anymore and never again will be like that have their way with you. Be strong in your mind and conviction and just keep keeping on till you take your last breath and die then so who comes around to show their respect and that someone once cared. Go to a graveyard right now and take a look around to see which ones are cared for and which ones are sunken or even gone. That doesn’t even speak to half of the souls who have moved through this space in time.
Still when I close my eyes I see those that have crossed my path over this life and into the next and it makes me want to shine as I bright as I can in the hopes that maybe I can one day reach them. If I start forgetting the energy and light that they emit how will I ever be to able to make my way back home. I still have work to do here, however. I will not let their loss be in vain so together we will find a way to unite and fly sky high again.
I never wanted to be anything other than my Mother’s Daughter until I met the woman from which she came. I could say the same to my father’s mother as the maternal reign as filled each vein. A proper representation of all the women that have come before me that has made this moment in life that much more possible. To think about disregarding my presence in the here and now by fading in the darkness would be the ultimate sin. I didn’t travel to the light up above to receive a message to be willy nilly with my ultimate passion and goals. I could tell you what they are but what I can promise you is this that as long as I am living I know that the best is yet to come.
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