Take the bull by the tiara and stop side stepping so much when it comes to your own life. Who would you be if you could become her and what is stopping you from realizing your dreams?
Serious question though because the clock is ticking and if it ticks too long eventually it will have no choice but to eventually stop. I think about the lives I touch and if I could do better. There is so much love inside these four walls that I understand why it is so hard to understand this commitment that I keep.
See it is like honouring my ancestors who kept to themselves and lived a fine life keeping to the animals and tending to their land. You have to believe that our lives should all equal out in the wash but reality will show us in all the way that that couldn’t possibly be true. Evil lurks and it is coming for us and there isn’t too much out there that we can truly do. Well of course we could change our own perception of our self and live our best life because in doing so there is no possible person we could ever hurt. We would relinquish our control back into the Universe until it is our time back to return to the Earth.
This moment and all that comes with it is the greatest gift that we can never have back. In the future when this moment no longer exists it will be tearing up my insides and wreaking havoc. There is no better feeling than this moment right here on Earth. We are all somewhat happy and alive so why wouldn’t I want to live every moment for the life around me like they do me.
Gravitate towards those that make you feel good instead of forcing those who make you sick to want to stay. If you have to entice those you love with drugs or alcohol I can tell you your love will never be reciprocated and you should just forget all that and walk away. Real friends would never want to hurt you in such a way that you many never recover.
Not everybody is who they appear to be and yes some people are more than capable of a little change. I think about those from time to time who are too set in there ways and who will always remain the same. They will feed on the corpses of those that loved them not admitting to anybody how it is they got that way. The biggest sell out is the one who will sell just about anybody in order to sustain their need. All they see is a paycheck and they could care less how it is anybody around them may feel.
What I have witnessed around me is nothing that will stop at sending me to an early grave. Sisters, Aunts, Daughters will stop at nothing until they get what it is they believe they are entitled to and what they believe they rightfully deserve. They don’t stop to think that their should be consequences for their actions. Their brain can’t move past their incestuous greed. What I warned them about before they even saw it coming was what other people are capable of just to save their own hide and name.
Imagine wanting to capitalize on another beings demise. How can you smile knowing where it is that they have come from or all the thoughts spinning in their head that they are forced to endure? You know what I am talking about. When your time is next to come and those around you are just circling over head fighting over what to do with your remains instead of trying to talk to you instead. Nobody comes to visit anymore even though they promised that they will. There are those that just turn my stomach when I think of what they have taken and what they have did. It’s gross truly. Claiming to be best friends with another until they are taken away then it’s austa la vista baby hope you enjoy your stay.
When I close my eyes all I want to do is go back into a time when those I most loved have come back this time alive. That they are spry and vibrant and they remember me too. That they are no longer in any pain and suffering and I already know what will happen to me when I meet my end. I don’t want to die alone with nobody to come visit me or worse. I don’t want those who just want to pick over my remains like my life was worthless and nobody will even remember my names. I don’t want to be in the company of those that are just waiting for me to meet my own demise. The ones that laugh when I am hiding in the shadows to overwhelmed to face the world and it’s inhabitants When I close my eyes life makes sense until I am forced to have to open them again.
There are times when I grow tired and I don’t think I can possibly move anymore. This constant state of competition and unconditional love and acceptance is grating down every nerve and breaking every bone. To try and get the strength to live another day even though it is a guarantee the hate that others will spew and say is almost more than I can physically take. I may have high, unrealistic expectations but I think that those are mine to make. I know what it feels to cross over to the other side and I think that is what makes me so eager to try my best each day.