The whole thing about life’s purpose is it gets distorted from reality depending on the people that we shall meet. Some people have less than honourable intentions. With their wanton ways and disregard for life it becomes apparent in all that they do and by the way that they behave.
Remember when such activities were saved for the bedroom? Me neither. In my mind they have always been gob smacked right in the face. If you were overly sexual then you were prude and in my time you could be teased relentlessly for that too. I know I was. As a girl as I was terrified of all things sex and what it could all mean. Do you really have to put that there? Isn’t there something better for us like play Nintendo? We got the new system and the new Mario game too boot.
Have we robbed our children of what he means to grow up innocent? Every which way all I see is sex. I think I am guilty of portraying the same image. What I thought I was doing was teaching others how to love. Not to spread love onto each other but give yourself unconditional love. It is ok that you have a roll or two to comfort you when the seasons change. I have heard from others it can be comforting at times for them too.
I think about boundaries and some beings inability to follow them. If somebody tells you that the way you approach them can hurt do you manage the way you deal with them a little differently? If I held an object that was black in front of you and insisted that you could see it as white would you be able to or would you get caught up eventually on the lie? The same gets said for human behaviour and the way that they are able to manage and handle their feelings. If they do one deplorable action around you be ready for them to bestow upon you many.
People will ALWAYS do what is best for them and disregard the middle man. Who cares about the natural nature of relationships when we can sever all ties because there is plenty. I think about the shark who waits patiently for all the little minnows to feed on each other so they they will become big. Why feast on a million little ones who are swimming when you can take your time and wait for one that is more filling? For those of you content on spreading voracious rumours now that with me they will always come to a head. I can admit my failures and faults in this world now I am going to turn to you and ask you if you can do the same.
There are two beings in this world who are beginning to know my whole truth and I know I am safe to tell them anything. I know that there are some secrets that I keep that will be incredibly alarming but I think it is important to note I survived and I am alive to tell the tale. Sure some times I am a little hard to handle and it maybe a little difficult for me to understand or try to explain. Chalk it up to decades filled with trauma and a heart so depressed I wasn’t even sure how to breathe.
My inability to see my own worth took everything away. For as long as I can remember I was iron deficient and that was long ago before I stopped eating anything with a brain. After every major blood loss they never had my type. My abortion at 13, another miscarriage at 19 and some pretty serious hospital inducing assaults. Every time one of these tragedy struck me it was always here take some FerMax. I don’t think it was ever explained to me how important this little element was to breathe.
Not only that it can rob you of your cognitive senses. Factor that in with some white masses in my brain what hope of normal did I ever have of being. The most I could hope for was a deeper sense of self. Why am I the way that I am and will I ever be loved for who I am or just merely accepted for being somebody else? I think I run at a high sense of delusional crazy highly attuned to the misgivings and shortfalls of everybody else. I didn’t get a pass to leave this life for 12 minutes without a greater deepening and understanding of self.
What I want to pass on and share is it is ok to portray your life in your own best image. Do all the things that bring a smile to your face and let all others simply melt away. Use the hate and darkness that others exude to light up your world and never forget to stand up for your own cause. What others will try to take from you will strengthen and you will simply become all that it is you will ever need.
I see bad people and they were almost close to me. I let them in for a small period of time. Once their true colors become so apparent that you can no longer ignore then it is time to do something and usher them right out the door. Not everybody has good intentions and this in time you will see. What has been good for the goose may not be good for the gander so sometimes it is best to run for the hills nd the trees.
Run to greener pastures where the air is kept fresh. Don’t let others take your self esteem or resilience or whatever it is that you need to do to survive. I used to see bad people now they are far away from me. There is no need to rehash what could have been or used to be when the future that I see I am destined for more.