The Vain Reality

My husband likes to say (and he believes) that I am egotistical and vain, but nothing could be further from the truth. I am scared as hell most days and I can be seen far and wide knocking knees and shivering in my boots. I don’t know why it is that I am this way. It has been something that has followed me since the day I was born but truth be told if I have too, I have no problems screaming my head off like I was insane.

I am in naive in the sense that I know better than to trust anybody, but I am human, and I crave everything that is to be seen. There is no way that this is the way that my life is meant to be as I try desperately to decipher the reason as everybody in the world looks back and stares at me. I get it know. I can see why the world may not like me but to lose 50 followers in just 3 days I know that there is something very wrong with me.

Now that very thought is utterly impossible because I haven’t changed as far as the world can see. Well sure my hair is blonde and may be a little bit voluptuous, but I am in control of the way my body look and how she handles so what is the issue that you think you have with me?

That imaginary world where we live in where everybody is all inclusive is very few and far between. I think it is rather humorous, though, those who chose to dip and slime trail themselves away. I say their departure is slimy for all the things that they decide to say. All the things they say to give them collateral as they are on their way out. A fool and their inner child are soon departed as they grow fascinated with trying to even out the score.

There is no score worth keeping in this so-called game we call life. We have to count our own wins and how we define them and stop worrying about those around us who insist on giving us strife. My life has changed as I have come to know it and I am unsure of what it is I am to do next. I am growing scared of my own shadow only because she will give out my location the fastest and I won’t be able to find a safe place to even hide.

In a world where most of us are searching for love there has to be a better way. Why is it that we as humans are meant to feel this way? I think that is why I admire my cats so much. Nobody has the ability to shrug it off and keep going like a feline. Watch the way they strut as they go room to room looking for something to do or somewhere soft to sleep. Nobody likes a cat more than me, at least, I think.

I think that is maybe why I chose to gravitate towards the cat. They make me feel safe and they make me feel loved and I don’t even have to say anything at all. In fact, they prefer when I don’t. Maybe they don’t mind when I do. All that I know for certain is I love who I am when I am around them and I think they feel the same way too.

People scare me and cats just seem to make the most sense. We do what we want when we feel like doing it with very little thought to what the others may be doing. It may not be the best way, but it is an honourable way to live. With no need for anybody except for when a head scratch is needed or two.

I grew up in the company of animals and for the love of the great outdoors. It is incredible to think that in life we don’t need anybody and that can be proven by all sorts of life that is out there too. You have to take a look to see how it is that other people lived so that you know how you can survive. It helps to take a look around you with a greater appreciation for the life that is around you instead of focusing on the dead. I know at times it feels easiest but maybe take a deeper appreciation to the words that I said.

Why would I shy girl like me constantly be putting themselves out there? Because I know how it feels like when you are too depressed to live. When the whole world seems like they are out to get you. I don’t feel like any other being should have to suffer the ways that I have just like I know there are others that have lived a life more horrible than me. I have never had my rights suppressed or loved ones ripped away from me, I think we need to acknowledge that there was a time when all this was happening to those around us and so much more.

Take away other people’s power and make sure that they are unable to ever find their way back. If they betrayed, you once they will do so again feeding on your remains like it is no big thang and more. It’s like I want to stay involved but not the expense at my feelings or any other being or person. I think that is why we need to take every little bit of opportunity away. Cut them off at the knees before it is their turn to watch us bleed.

Never again and not anymore well I ever let a being close to me that has less than honourable intentions. Either for me in this world or the beings that I call my friend. There is no way I will give up when I can keep on trying relentlessly to the end.

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