Sometimes you really have to step outside of yourself to really know yourself, let’s just hope that your inner child doesn’t get in the way. Inside your mind you have to push all buttons and limitations in order to trigger your brain to start thinking another way. Conformity, right? That is where we are all heading, right? Doing what the masses do so we stay entertained.
Sex sells and it will ruin everybody. We were meant for a life more than just laying on our backs and poking away at holes. The way that evil is glorified and then profited tells me and my ancestors more than anything we have ever come to know. The world will implode with this lack of identity and pure energy. How are we supposed to make our way back when we have nowhere else to go?
Depression is this insane roller coaster ride of emotions that leaves you thinking that you will never, ever be good enough. It wreaks havoc on your brain leaving you feeling entirely insane. For a while you can battle it solo, but it becomes a daunting task when those you surround yourself see no good in your being or even your name.
We need to treat life like a sweet journey instead of a rabid roller coaster ride that we find ourselves on. It`s impossible for anybody to say that they are an empath than glorify evil. Heaven and Hell simply don`t work that way.
I finally understand Robin Williams pain and how he came to the conclusion that he could no longer live another day. The constant pressure from the outside world to constantly be happy while living in your best image is a complication in my brain that I can no longer ignore and I have grown tired of trying to even explain.
It’s the loneliness that kills me every time that he comes home. I know now that I am good for nothing all I can do is try to stop the tears from rolling down my face this I now know. I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t listen to all the ways that people hate me because now I hate myself too. I never knew that I could feel this low but when you hear it all the time what is a girl to do?
The only person that matters right now in this family circle hates me larger than life. There is nothing I can do to make that man happy, and I think I am about to throw in the towel at being his wife. I struggle everyday just to breathe like most do and now I am being told I am doing it to be difficult or to get attention, that accusation rips my heart out and stabs me over and over again with a knife. At night I want to disappear. Just lay my head down and just drift away. I think it has almost become utterly impossible to believe that I am worthy enough to even life for one more day.
My life isn’t a game even though at times it totally feels like one. I know the words that other people will use to cut you and I just stand over here in silence soaking it all in. I don’t need to worry about the opinions of others although they cut like a knife. All I need to focus on now is that I am a woman, a mother and at times I can be a happy wife.
The fear, the agitation that we will all become nothing is the only sense of truth that we will ever need to know. That is true that one day we will be nobody to a world that is so current and that will hurt the most out of everything that we have come to know. Death escapes nobody and we only get this one chance. What would you do differently if you knew that you only had one more dance?
If I could change the minds of our young ones, it is to tell them that they are beautiful and that they will be ok. That you can disengage those that are out to harm you and you can find a way to live for brighter days. Seems easy right? Nah it is incredibly dang hard. In the land of obsessive anonymity and of course the no holds barred.