In the Cover of Darkness

The problem with red flags is when they are presented to us we are in denial. We will always be in denial. How can anything other than what others deem as normal ever be ok?

Think about it? How else can evil beings get their hands on us and commit their evil deeds? What happens when we fall asleep when others are still awake? I for one have no recollection of what is happening around me when I finally fall asleep. Why do you think evil hides underneath the cover of darkness hoping to catch you when you are unaware so they can knock you straight off your feet.

I think about how many wives laid their head on their pillow for the last time. They believed in the darkest corners of their heart that the man they said I do would never, ever change. What happens to the life you were promised when everything around you begins to change.

They talk about this Prince Charming mask. The mask that the bad men wear so that they can have their way. They want you to believe that they are something that is righteous and holy even though they don’t have an ounce of goodness swimming in their brain.

I have a couple short rules I follow. Always consider how a man speaks of any women, that would include their mother, sisters and yes even their ex’s. A good man could never speak ill of any woman. This I am 99%. How can one speak ill knowing where it is they came? I guess that is the evil that is making them appear insane.

Another reason why I think we chose to ignore red flags is because we don’t want the rest of the world to know who exactly it is we have become or what we have been forced to endure. I know that I am embarrassed of this life that I am now forced to live with little or no recourse of ever being able to come up for air.

It was only 6 years ago now that I was made fun of for having nothing. Well by their definition not mine. There is an unsettling feeling that comes when others wish arm and failure and not just a little bit I mean all of the dang time. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all could be accepted for who it is we were born to be instead of feeling all these insecurities coursing through our veins?

What I wanted was a friend and what I got was a living nightmare with my pride to far in the way for me to ever have a hope of living without any kind of fear. I mean, I think constantly to the point where other women just like me lost their life and I am failing to see any differences and that is what is giving me so much strife.

We are conditioned to believe the beings that we married instead of allowing our own intuition to speak and begin to kick in. Why is it that we suppress our voices of reasoning? Why is it we allow another being to speak so loudly inside of our heads. They have no idea who we are or who we once were and even try to distort the memories that we keep to try and keep us sane.

How many women and children have met an early grave out of husband they tried to talk themselves out of believing was just a little bit insane? Well how many? Telling themselves over and over again he could never hurt me or the children he claims to love but then in once quick second they do. The lights click off and their is nobody home as they release their venom into the night so their violent control is all that anybody knows. All that I know is now that the violence has happened I will never be able to look at him in the same way again.

You have to cross your T’s and dot your i’s and hope that there is somebody else out there that knows how to help you so that you can begin. Begin living your life in the best image that you can. Now I think I know how and why my mom held out for as long as she did. She didn’t care about her own happiness because she believed her children to be safe. If only we had known the story long ago we would have pulled the plug on it a long time before.

I guess this is what makes this life a little bit easier. Knowing that I was raised by a woman that did everything that she could. That she sacrificed her own well being and happiness and give to us the best of her life and all of her years. I think that is why I cry. I know that some of my sisters don’t think the same as me. If I could hug her every day and tell her how much I love her I would do it every day with the biggest smile on my face.

I think life and its unrealistic expectations is what makes so many of us incredibly depressed. How can we live up to the lives and joy that others appear to have so easily when life as we have come to know it has been the reason why we are feeling so incredibly insane.

We are notorious for judging a book by it’s cover and only seeing what it is that we truly want to see. We can excuse away any kind of piss poor behaviour by citing all sorts of depravity that the world so desperately wants to believe. We can’t believe in anybody or anything anymore as fairytales turn to darkness preventing anybody else from ever being able to see.

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