A Confused Morality

I think our own morality is scary to me. The activities we engage in that we in turn will excuse away is the very thing that makes me believe that maybe I am not human, and I would need to find a better way.

Can you imagine? I mean it sure as heck won’t be hard. Open up any social medial app and you will see just how crazed the world has turned out to be. Maybe it isn’t so much me but the underground lifestyle I have come accustomed to. I wonder what it would feel like to have a life that others deem to be normal?

What makes me feel incredibly different is I am not an overly sexual person. I truly believe that there is better things that I can be doing with my time. Especially now that I am a mom. I don’t understand this mentality of reclaiming who we used to be.

I don’t want to go out to all hours of the night doing drugs and hoping that the morning light may greet me. I have no desire to date casually in the hopes that maybe someone out there will take some sort of sympathy on me. Nor do I have that desire to lay flat on my back while the rest of the world watches believing that it is my God given right to go ahead and do. I gave up everything that I thought I loved to become a mom to my beautiful little boy. There is nothing that I can find out in this world that will give me any sort of joy.

I know our time is precious. Just like the time in life that my own came into being. I waited 37 years for this moment that I would always be more thankful for how it becoming a mom has come to find me. There is no better place that I would rather be, not now. I know in time it will come. That time in space when my boy will want to get up and leave. I need to get him ready for the day that he will grow up into a man and want to be alone. Without me how will he learn these skills? If it wasn’t for my guidance, I wonder who he would eventually grow up to be.

Our lives aren’t always promised to be all sugar and spice. There will be those days when we think we can’t go on anymore and then there will be those days that all we want to do is true. We will try to live our lives a little differently trying to be and engage in all the ways that we can. I didn’t say that this life would be easy, but it makes more sense than just giving up listening to the next self-righteous, pompous man.

The way we insist on distorting reality so we can twist the fates to amount in our favour in any which way that we can. We stand behind the fact that we believe that we can be anything that we desire to be with little or no consideration for those who may never understand. I am too much of a prude to give it up to just anybody so I will close my eyes and hope the naysayers just go away.

I know we shouldn’t worry too much and embrace the being we were born to be but I can’t help but wonder just how damaging this mentality could be. For our children trying to understand what happened to our happy family as they watch one of their parents leave and go away. Never to be seen together again, a mother and father, I wonder what hands a child played to have their parents feel this way.

I remember before the pandemic. We all didn’t act so crazy. I never saw a bigger group of humans acting so depraved. This will become so damaging to our children when they are older. I think this is why their identity has been the first thing to get up and leave.

There are so many dominant identities all pulling on our hearts and giving us a weak mind. Who will I be if I don’t give into everybody? Can I actually honestly ever be strong enough to stand on my own two feet? Not if you give in to just anybody and not if you just have anybody in existence stand over top of you and have your say. There is no strength when it comes to giving it up to just anybody. I think there is more strength in keeping your clothes on instead of trying to make it so everybody recognizes with your head cut off. I for one am not scared to embrace my body or show a little bit of nudity as long as I remain in control at all times and the words that escape my lips will always have its final say.

I still believe in true love. I think that is why I can’t behave in such a way. Why just throw down with just anybody when I can find the one who fills my heart with joy and makes me believe in the brightness of each day. Inside each woman is the promise of a new beginning so why just pollute the potential for greatness while filling up each and every hole. Seal it up with whatever can be found and don’t treat it like the gift that was given when you can pound it into the ground.

Our precious beings need our outmost protection and guidance to teach them that there can be a better way. We need to be that calm voice of reason and source of infinite comfort as they learn to gather their baring’s and live their life the best ways that they can. What I know for certain is I am so proud of my son even on those days when he hates me the most and wants nothing more than for me to go away. What I know, I know for certain that in my son’s company I will always try to do the best I can and live for a better day.

Thank you so much for your continued love and support. You have no idea the great source of light that you have all been. In a world where I am constantly being told that I waste time and will amount to nothing I live for these moments to connect with you in any way that I can. I tried a different style of video…a MUSIC REVIEW. I believe that you can’t get nothing back from the Universe if you aren’t throwing anything out there so I will throw this out to you to give me some feedback, knowing that I am trying to connect with you in the best way that I can.

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