Can I Love Me?

I need to love myself. I need to forget about what the rest of the world is saying and focus on what it is that I need. The idea that we need anybody at all in this world to survive was designed to keep us unfocused and undetermined and incredibly weak.

We are born into this existence with so much hope and potential. The sanctity and bonds of family is something that we all wish for but not all of us will get those simple necessities of life. What that immediately indicates to us is that the strength and bonds of family is something we keep inside our heads.

That fictious way that life is supposed to be oversimplified by the way that life was lived before allows for our thoughts to become over complicated making us live out our days aimlessly trying to even out the score. Sure, it seems ideal the way that life is supposed to be, but it isn’t the only way and I think we need to lower down our guard and let the less than perfect in.

I remember these less than perfect thoughts. In fact, these ideas began to enter our brain at a very early age. My Dad used to tell me that bad things just don’t happen to people it takes some careful consideration and bad things usually involve somebody you know. Be mindful of the company you keep and be weary of their history. You don’t want to be sitting around when revenge comes looking to even the score because what you reap you will one day sow. Sometimes, just sometimes your bad decisions will one day come back to haunt you and what you once believed will come no more.

I don’t mean to be stuck but I feel this air begin to surround me where I once want to impress somebody that I don’t even know. Of course, I do what I do to attract somebody or something. Something that has been missing since a lifetime or more.

I don’t want to say my life is hard because I don’t speak to my dad or the siblings that I was once close to that now I don’t even know. I used to try to be friends with my sisters, but I know how different I am, so I am the one left on the outside who had to go.

I guess it is more than obvious that I connect with animals. It’s not that I prefer their company, but I know how much they love me, so I appreciate being around them. Their outpouring of love and infinite means for compassion and sympathy is something so incredibly heartfelt to me. Humans have come and tried to tell me to get rid of them, but I think it is humorous to note just how far some people would go. I dated a being right before my husband who was allergic to my felines and tried telling me to take my cats to the shelter or he would break up with me. He was a loser with nothing, and I was that being who always believed I could change somebody, but I gave up on trying when he didn’t care about me.

Can one just put the blinders on and focus on what it is that one needs to do. Forget about all the shade and hate coming your way and believe in brighter days. That there is no need to lower your own standards or even your own moral obligations as you begin to realize that those you find around you can actually go away. Some just hang around because of who they believe that you may one day be. Think about that. They are envious and HATE everything that you are about, yet they still want to be you. They keep you around just in case and I say kick them out at the knees and watch them fall.

I am hated and I am judged because I want to be more wholesome in my approach to my mental health, so I publicly acknowledge that I smoke weed. Come to think of it, I remember a time when it was trendy to be on anti-depressants. A friend had coached me in the words that I needed to say. The drug of choice that I was after was Paxil. She told me anybody who was somebody was on something to numb the thoughts that were happening inside of our brains.

I don’t know about you, but I like being in control of my thoughts and sometimes bending my thoughts of my own reality pushing me to reach for the stars in the hopes of one day achieving my dreams. What are your dreams? My dreams are to have a safe haven for everybody. I believe that we are all entitled to a life worth living that leaves us longing for more.

That is why I am here and that is why I try so hard to be successful at doing absolutely nothing. It’s not that I am doing nothing in my life but to the outside world I am in a position where I don’t have to find a job and go to work. My job is keeping my house clean and somewhat happy as my home has become a sanctuary for all things life has forgotten about and tried to give away.

I think that is what I want the world to know. That the definition of life is something that is found deep inside of us and that it is the secret to your own reality that will give you an indication of where it is you need to go. That we aren’t truly a product of our circumstances unless we fully absorb it and allow it to overtake us. Life can be so beautiful if only we can slow down and take it all in.

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