The hardest thing to do in this life is find the courage to live authentically in your skin without fear of reprisal from any other living being. I know this is what trips me up on the day to day. Wearing what it is that I wish to wear without the constant ridicule that always appears on other women’s faces as they roll their eyes.
I love a full face of make-up during any time of day so does that makes me any less of a mom? According to what other beings are heard saying that one fact would have to ring true. It takes me about 10 minutes to put on a face in between all of my other daily tasks and it does put a smile on my face to see my reflection made up this way. What is the harm done as I rarely leave the house? It doesn’t make me any less of a woman even though all those around me try to make sense of it. Does it matter what it is that I engage in as long as I do what is expected of me all while keeping as quite as a mouse.
You can’t be a mom who is all put together because in trying to do so you may just label yourself as a slut. I can’t tell if my son is anxious about school because it is something knew to him or he can see the conformity that the rest of the world is trying to push through. All the mom’s look the same. It is almost impossible to tell them apart. A high centered pony tail paired with black leggings and a neutral top all driving SUV’s or four runners to boot.
Another complication is how do we make it without a handout and do all the things we want to on our own? The first thing I invested in was having a family, if you look to anybody who has held a position of power it is the first thing hat they have done too. Look at the Queen with her sidekick the prince. Then her whole family went on to do the same thing. You can’t make it on in this alone and it is a shame that we waste so much time in doing so. We damage our own children before they are even able to stand up and walk away and leave.
We crave attention and we desire to be noticed but what happens when the being inside of us ceases to even be? That is the risk we run when we try to be just anybody, dying to fit in with the masses we become somebody we don’t even know. I don’t want anybody to feel uneasy in my company. I think that is why when you find me I am rarely making a peep. I don’t want to be upsetting to anybody, especially myself, so I have grown rather hesitant to the words that I find coming out of my mouth.
When I say my son is the love of my life I am beyond excited for this chance to watch him grow. There is no where else in this world I would rather be, at least in this moment, and that is all the information that I would ever need to know. That I can be a good mom without losing myself or even my identity without having to get naked or reduced down to my knees. I can be a good mom without having to question my morals or intentions as I prepare my most precious asset to become one with this world.
I need to help him fine tune his spidey senses and have the confidence inside to listen to his gut. Not every being out there as dishonourable intentions but it does help to keep a guard up and keep others on the know. All you have to be is kind but you don’t have to be too forthcoming just because you are a child doesn’t mean your integrity has to go.
What I am told the most is that I may have smothered him so our bond has to be the first to go. If he is damaged it is because I spent so much time with him so now we need to break him. Now that we are in the system we have to listen to other people’s opinions of our relationship and family. Constantly being analyzed for our imperfections to try and give a solution to my son’s behaviour we are left on pins and needles always left on the need to know.
My goal in life is to raise the best little man that I can possibly so his light can be seen from the Heaven’s. I am never going to give up on him just like I never gave up on me and I will spend my last breath singing his praises. Sure he is not my everything but he is the piece of me that lives on outside of my body. Without his existence I would lose a piece of myself because it is in his life that I have finally been saved.
I spent my first 37 years without him. I had no idea that love could feel like this. There is no place in the world that I would rather be than being a part of this family right here with him. This is the blessing I have always waited for so I know that I have finally found my way home. The way that I feel when we are together makes me believe that I can be anything that I want to be now that I am one with this world.
My heart beats faster just knowing what I created and I know I need to empower to make the best decisions and encourage his own free thinking and thought. I can’t prevent him from being all that he can be by keeping him sheltered. I need to encourage him to find his own place with this big, wide world.