A Chance to Live

You have to gravitate towards those that resonate the truth inside of you to know that you may be on the right track and coming to terms with finding your own way. I have had that pleasure of realizing that awakening when I have come across others that have truly touched my heart.

Their presence in this world helps me realize my own reality and that I will be ok if I keep on living in such a way. That I am not alone although it feels like it sometimes and that I have to keep on looking and searching for brighter days.

What makes people uncomfortable is all the things in this life that they chose not to understand. It may be easier to succumb to a fictious reality instead of living with a virtue that only the righteous can obtain and actually begin to have. That is what we believe. That is what we have been told. The tales handed down throughout history is something that can carry with us until we get old.

When we have a lower sense of self-worth, we become vulnerable to what it is that we allow others to get away with and eventually do. We lower down our inhibitions in the hopes that we can be loved and accepted by those that we think we desire the most. We look to them with adoring eyes and the hopes that they will look at us one day with the same eyes too. What we would do just to feel that unconditional love and acceptance is something so foreign that in short of obtaining such adoration it will never do.

What happens when we become unrecognizable that we barely even notice our own name? The perverted thoughts of others that have been sent to control, making fun of us in every which way. I am so over those pointing their fingers at me when they are fact engaging in activity that is kind of similar and the same. I am not a vulture out to destroy those that I love in fact I will rip others to shreds if caught behaving in such a way.

I entered a partnership with my husband solidifying the family that I love. Sure, not everything is as it is promised to be but at least we are happy living in our own kind of sanctuary. Where lost souls have accumulated together, we have made a family out of love. There isn’t too much that doesn’t go on here that we wouldn’t all dig our heels in and fight for.

What I remember when returning back to school at 37 is I dreamed of this life. I always imagined wanting a family and I always dreamed of having a family and being a wife. I guess I could throw it all in because it didn’t turn out how I thought it would be, the truth is I spent 37 years without having anything just my little kitty Lucille and me. Working 3 jobs just trying to make ends meet it was hard for me to make friends anywhere, it was just becoming suffocating just trying to be me.

To be awkward in my own existence I wasn’t sure who I was to become. I mean we are all capable of becoming anything as long as we are able to make the first move. Imagine a life where we are able to live in our own best image without even batting an eye. The truth is we can be anything as long as we have the strength to finally give in and give it a try. What would be the harm? Another lost year as all of a sudden came and gone? I remember thinking at 30 if only I was 20 then at 40 I found myself kind of thinking kind of the same thing. There is no shame in remembering who we used to be there just is no time to waste staying in that time frame for any longer than we should or can.

Live in the moment in any which way that you can. Embrace those that embrace you, always remembering to pay it forward and trying to see the best in every man. Unless given any another reason to always give those that have come before you the chance to save their face. There have been those that have lied to others telling their stories about me, so I see through them at an alarming rate. Always be mindful of the company you see before you or you might expose yourself to a similar fate.

What do I need with those individuals who will sleep to the top to get their proverbial win. All I want is the son I see before me, so my life makes sense in every possible way. I changed my whole life just to know him in so many ways that not many can. I remember when I was getting on in my late 30’s I never dreamed that I would ever have the chance to find myself here.

Everything makes sense because this life is easy compared to how others were forced to live. My life is blessed in the sense that I haven’t truly suffered like a know so many others before me did. That in itself makes me feel so incredibly selfish but then I remember I have it in me to give back and live. I can tell my story even though it truly isn’t that bad. I guess in the bigger picture it is horrific but to me it is my reason for being and how I got here. I mean today is the day I was granted another chance to live. Today was the day that my son was born, 2 months ahead of time so what gives? I was called to the Heavens to get my life back on track so I can help others do the same and finally get a chance to live.

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