We need to treat life like a sweet journey instead of a rabid roller coaster ride that we find ourselves on. It`s impossible for anybody to say that they are an empath than glorify evil. Heaven and Hell simply don`t work that way.
You can be pure good or pure evil, but you can`t proclaim to be both. You are either for insane rounds of bondage and torture or you are as pure as the summer rain. To me there is this huge discourse in the world we live in today. How else can we even begin to explain.
A true empath gets rocked from the devastation in the world instead of sympathizing with the evils that seem to just exist. That is what happens when we put these monsters high up on pedestals giving them more power than they ever had when they were even alive.
Speaking from a place where I was beaten and left for dead, I can tell you there is nothing more triggering than watching social media unfold. If you ever found yourself in a situation being drugged and raped by three guys, I think you may start to shake those cobwebs out of your head. I thought I was dead laying there after then there are girls that will recreate this said act. Nothing hurts me more watching young girls get off from something I barely survived, that is how I have come to see the fractures that are growing bigger in this world.
Oh my God she was raped by 3 guys she must be a slut!! That is why people don`t share what it is that is going on in their heads because of everything else that everybody around them might say. It wasn`t my fault, I was drugged in the club brought home by people I didn`t even know. Ya I know move on from it already is another thing that people like to say.
You can`t forget trauma it just lives inside your brain, taking up a permanent occupancy that just might drive you insane. Yes I think differently when I give you the side eye. Did they really say something so ridiculous are their thoughts so asinine?
So I think that is what pushed me away from everybody else. Yes I am obsessed with true crime and evil but I don’t ever glorify my obsession comes from a place where I am just trying to understand. Understand how a husband can kill his whole family or how I wife can hire a hit man so that she can do the same. What people are truly capable of is the reason I run and not let anybody get close to me or know my real name.
Maybe that is why I had to sacrifice my first born because she was the product of evil that was starting to come. Her potential father was always abusive towards me which looking back now how could he even possibly I was only 13. It would be like beating on a child, and I even saw him do that too. Nobody was allowed to speak or touch me ever, up to and including his 3 year old sister who he threw through a wall.
I was born different. I was always going to be different. I wore my heart on my sleeve no matter who it was coming around. I would be nice to everybody even to the ones who would tease me and always call me names. I got so far pushed into my shell I didn’t even know how to come out so I just sat there and watched as the rest of the world passed me by. Even now I feel that suffocating blow of being a pre teen and not being able to make friends that easily like everybody around me so easily could do.
My first inkling that I was going to be different was the day I was told my Grandma had a tumor inside of her brain. I couldn’t leave my bed because my heart felt so broken I couldn’t imagine a world without her smile so that was the opening of all my pain. Realizing that death was coming for us and there was no place ultimately we could ever run and hide. I think I stayed in bed for 3 days crying until she was put into a helicopter that was set to leave. I had to go see her in case there was no chance to ever again. In a way I became obsessed with staying melancholy it would be the perfect excuse for feeling so much pain.
With so much horror, so much pain, so much heart break I was on the brink of feeling insane. Look at what happened to me after believing I could trust somebody? I pedaled backwards to a place that I never wanted to be. It felt like I was being pushed back into high school and at 40 years old I wasn’t going to let that happen to me. Those who constantly talked bad about their so called friends when their backs were turned were the first to be kicked to the curb if you know what I mean. It had to stop somewhere so I ground my foot into the ground. Nobody would ever hurt me again. Not on my watch there would be no sense keeping anybody around.
How many chances does one being need to prove their worth? One is the number that I tend to believe. It depends on what was said or the obsessive actions, I am not a martyr just an exhausted human being. I can’t deal with the negativity of the world that keeps spinning around, I think in the end my head might just spin off.
I want to believe that if you live a simple life being good to those around you that eventually the Universe will have no choice but to start doing the same. At times those thoughts get so overwhelmingly that I already believe that I am one with the world and that I have finely and peacefully gone insane.