Scared of My Own Shadow

I am scared of my own shadow. Terrified of my own existence. Every time I think I get a grip of the essence that is to be somebody comes and pulls the rug out right from underneath me.

I remember being young. Maybe 7 or so. I thought the secret of life was to find somebody in which you were to grow old with. I think the pandemic ruined everything. While we were sitting at home supposedly minding our own business there were fractions in our brains that started to rise up. We needed something more. We needed our rocks to constantly be getting off. There was this strange phenomenon that was about to hit our sheets and there would be no telling where we would one day end up or even go.

We will denounce our own families as we look for the ease of a handout with our one open hand. We will mock those that gave up their lives for us just so we can lay flat on our backs and moan. Not that there is anything wrong with that lifestyle I just believe that I am destined for something more. That is the problem with paranoia is it will always keep you searching from room to room.

You have to let your mind go to place where not many are able to go. Just how uncomfortable you are prepared to be will tell you everything you will ever have to know. Think of the gods and think of the greats. They wouldn’t lay down with just anybody so why would you do so with anything that moves or worse yet even breathes?

I am not saying that people aren’t amazing I am just saying there has to be something said for practicing a little civility. I don’t believe that so many sacrificed themselves with their lives just so we can one day live in sin and pay the ultimate price.

Empowerment is a slippery slope and I think it means something different for every single living being. I think being empowered means you are able to withstand your ground without setting the natural balance of nature that comes between you and me. My life IS different. It is not like I can go anywhere but sit inside this house. There is too much going on in any given day for me to feel like going about my business would ever be ok. I imagine a time when my Grandmother was alive and all the things, she would do in her day to make her happy. It tells me that the secret to life is to live simply and hope that your ancestors are proud of you when you come to the end of it all.

I want to be loved by everybody but not everybody shares my ideology. I believe that we should all have access to a beautiful life no matter who we are born to or what time it is. We have to believe those that we co-exist with in order for that to happen. That is why you should keep those who are good close to you and banish all others to somewhere far off in the distance. Don’t keep those haters too close or they will always find themselves coming around. I like to push them off as far away as I can out of fear of retribution of what can come back to haunt you. Tell them nothing that you haven’t already said so yourself. Don’t give them any fuel to feed their fire once you know their intentions are meant to truly try and hurt you.

Whom am I? I am a true lover of all things that come to life. I believe that we are all entitled to a life that is truly beautiful instead of living in sin and pain of those who came before us insist on defining us. I only see color to light up the night sky. I don’t care who you are who lives beside me as long as you are righteous when you take your final breath goodbye. My biggest fear is death even though I know that it can never escape us. Death has to be made into something beautiful even though I have no idea, yet, where we all go. Exercise decorum and kindness in any which way that you can. It is ok if nobody celebrates you as long as you keep trying to become the very best life form that you possibly can.

Give back to ALL life like it is your last. It never ceases to amaze me how often so many of us just do the basics leaving the meat and potatoes of it to be done by our fellow men. If you believe the lies told about me then I think we have come to a drawing point in the sand. I don’t need another friend who doesn’t give a damn about me when I am doing the very best that I can. Y’all just don’t get it how exhausting one becomes when you can see through all their lies. Those are the ones who are the true empath’s and all too often we are the ones who are always being despised because we call y’all out and pin you down until we get the truth.


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