A Self Contradiction

What the h3ll did I just read? Four men accused of drugging their wives as they sat around and watched each other rape them? Are you serious? Is this the reality we are holding onto so tight for that we begin to white knuckle so that we don’t have to let go all so we can watch another bleed. I have always maintained to be careful where it is you chose to lay your head and close your eyes. You just don’t know how another gets off and just how close to you they will come just to watch you unknowingly as you drift away and breathe.

Just when I am thinking there has to be some good in mankind somewhere I am once again left horrified and taken out at just below the knees. But then what good am I? Just a mere fraction of all the things that I have become and all the things that I was working so hard towards. If you have to have a really strong understanding of self and a continuous drive to your own self-discovery or run the risk of becoming stagnant and you will want for nothing no more.

We are almost always a constant contradiction to scared to acknowledge anything that has happened in our past. Should I feel shame or should you for forcing that feeling upon me? I don’t know. Do you have an idea? All I know is that I am tired of depreciating my energy for entities that have no idea what they are even want or how they hope to settle the score. That is what it is for them a constant reminder and opportunity to get what they think is promised to them, always wanting and expecting more.

Science, math, history all open windows and give us some sort of inklings into who we once were and even our past. There is a reason why our DNA is wound so intrinsically and how it connects us to all of our secrets from our past. We can’t run away from who we were born to be no matter how hard we try or how long we decide to close our eyes. It is a wonder we are even a fraction of who we were destined to be after everything that has happened over the centuries.

We love to say love and light but then we spend time embracing the dark. Do we need both to be all that we are born to be, or can we have one or the other when we finally break a part? We are who we become. A reflection of our own light so we need to think of what we are trying to put out into the world and let that be your guide when you find yourself all alone at night. I know. Sounds intense right? These are the thoughts that keep running all day in my mind. I try to calm them by looking towards some sort of facts but all I can think of is maybe it’s too much for one brain to absorb all those facts. Or perceptions of facts if that is what we want them to be. I think that is the final answer we are looking for when it comes to becoming all that we can be.

So, what truly makes you smile? I mean makes you grin from ear to ear? Mine it is a simplistic existence, sprinkled in with a wee lil bit of fancy. I mean the fruit don’t fall far from the tree when you were raised out in the country. I believe a woman can still be dressed to the 9’s even if she has no place to go. Isn’t your pride the place you lay your head down at night so shouldn’t your vibrations always run high? I know I rev a lil higher when my liner is en pointe. Put on a final gloss on my pout and I am ready to start vacuuming the house. That is how my Grandma fed her chickens. In her polyester dress that she made and a pair of grey kitten heels to boot. So, what she didn’t wear all this make-up and her curlers were saved for special occasions, I believe her look would have evolved to something a little bit fancier if she was still alive today after all these years.

Love your light and the image you reflect. I know sometimes our minds will play tricks on us but try your best to never forget. That the light you emit is strong enough to light up the night sky. I know not every day will feel like this, but I promise you there is a day coming soon to look forward too. There has to be. If we keep putting good into the Universe eventually, she will have no choice but to finally sit back and listen. Maybe the answers we are looking for will become clearer the more we are able to let go and fee our mind.

Silence and isolation become fuel for the darkness that creeps beside us looking to take a hold of us one day before we finally have enough and let go. Maybe it is ok to be ok and be a little different even if nobody will understand us and who it is we are trying to be. I am just somebody who is tired of pretending to be somebody other than who I believe I was born to be. I forget sometimes because some people just don’t even care to understand. The feelings I feel when they are around makes me want to run and hide and bury my neck up to the sand.

Break your mind like you can break your own heart and you might be able to stand up one day from all that was thrown your way. What do I mean? I mean that our hearts dictate so much of our human emotions that it is very simple to see the difference between you and me. I will never let anybody get close enough because I value the energy that I want to share. I don’t want to be stuck with a whole bunch of people here in the afterlife when only one or two of you down here truly care.


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