To relinquish ourselves to our higher power is something seemingly impossible to do. Do you believe me? Have you tried? Think about it every time the energy seems to change in any given room. Who is here and what is this feeling is this a feeling that will ever go away?

Our sacred essence that we take forever granted is something we should be more aware of instead of trying to even out old scores. There is no sense in beating something into oblivion unless of course it makes a suddenly feel better in some sort of way.

Consider your heart and what is most important to you. What is it that you find yourself thinking about at the end of every day. Are you happy with what you accomplished or did something bad stop your from having your say? Why keep obstacles around that will forever haunt you when you can work hard towards better days.

The journey to self is a constant work in progress where corporate America has infused themselves to always get in our way. The wanton desire to become somebody else is always at the surface taunting us to come out and play. I always wonder about the concept of time and what happens to those seconds that we can never get back. I can’t waste a minute going in the wrong direction when I spent the last 43 years doing just that.

My husband thinks that I am too judgmental and crazy however I am not too sure if I can dispute those facts. I am cautious of those that I allow around me because I value my inner peace and sanity, the two types of energy that is hard to get back. Once you deplete the source that you had on the ready be prepared to get dumped on and pushed to have a heart attack.

There are those that waste no time thinking about how they will one day stab you in the back. If you are caught in a lie I will assume you lie to everybody and there is no way I could consider a friend in you like that. I have had it happen and I vow to never let it happen again, I don’t care to know when it happened all I know is that this one sided friendship has to end.

My high school best friend was a nightmare and I couldn’t wait to get away. I was too shy to go on my own to find anybody so I allowed her to continuously use me and take my confidence with her at that. She was a monster who only cared about herself and her sexually identity. I mean she broke into my parents house with her new best friend and my ex boyfriend just to cement over that fact. When my parents caught them all in bed together they threw them out of my house and never looked back. The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree in those days and I was heart broken when my mom finally relayed me the facts.

Imagine a young impressionable mind that has been cheated on by her boyfriend and cheated on by her boyfriend. It make me think of the new Taylor Swift song that says,

“Baby love, I think I’ve been a little too kind
Didn’t notice you walkin’ all over my peace of mind
In the shoes I gave you as a present
Puttin’ someone first only works when you’re in their top five
And by the way, I’m goin’ out tonight”

This hit hard. My best friend since grade school did this exact thing to me. I bought her a new pair of Spice Girl style sneakers because I had a job and it appeared in her family she never got anything. What she did next broke me when I found out. I was busy at work at the local KFC when she returned to the store and returned the shoes for cash. She then invited her real best friends to go out where she spoiled them by buying cigarettes and beer. This incident has forever haunted me and that happened 3 decades ago. I still remember that betrayal of one of my first best friends and I never wanted somebody that close to me ever again. Her excuse was that her mom wouldn’t let her keep the gift but then I wonder why she didn’t return the shoes back to me. Liar.

You have to love yourself so hard because nobody in this world will hold a candle to the love that you save for you. It is not selfish or egotistical to want to be happy it is just the right of passage that comes with wanting to live and appreciate brighter days. Learn from those who teach us lessons then never waiver or falter again. My decision to cut her off from my life a long time ago was decided when I realized that she was incapable of ever being my friend.

Follow your inner truth and power like it is your handed down gospel straight from God. If you have the ability to forgive yourself and move on from whatever is holding you back don’t you owe it to yourself to try and look to find a way? You don’t owe anything to anybody except for owning and accepting your own truth. If you fail in having this realization then your life becomes for nothing like we are all destined to follow along.

Morals and values lose meaning to almost everybody as we go on about or days with little to no recourse or even hardened facts. We become a version of who we hope to one day be and we hope there is no recourse and hard feelings when we get to that one day that in time we will never go back.