Torn Apart

The only thing that keeps our name alive is to have it inscribed somewhere among the stars and the skies. That is what it now means for everybody just look at all the different ways we begin to believe all the lies. I think that is my fear with becoming nonbinary is that for some of us we will just cease to want to exist.

This is a very real threat because for some of us we will only amount to a fraction of what we hope to become, and that reality will hurt more than anything it will be the reason why our heart stops and we never fully desire to sing. Rejection on any level hurts but I couldn’t imagine having to go through it over and over again. That is what is missing when we turn our back on the sanctity of desiring a family we threatening to take away everything.

Then there is the very real threat that family means absolutely nothing to some because it becomes the very noose around our necks that we have always feared we will become. That burden to our loved ones is enough to drive us insane as we toss back and back and over again and sideways if we should just lodge a bullet in the middle of our brains. We will want to but the one thing that will always hold us back is what if it is destination nowhere then there is the fear that we may never be able to come back.

And we won’t. Not to the reality that we have come to love now if the pain of isolation could somehow just go away. Well, it is not always an unwelcome feeling but for some reason it feels like one just for today. Every day is different that is why they tell us to live in the present and not live in the past. It is best to live in the moment and enjoy what is right in front of us instead of lusting over something that we might possibly never have. Desire is one thing, and it will drive us to do the most insane things. It could be the reason why we may just end up with nothing. We will end up with nothing when we end up at our final destination, but we are in no rush to get there, and we don’t know why. Maybe we lose our heads in the moment, but I don’t think any of us are every truly ready to die.

Then that leaves a family who loves us to carry on our good name. As I look to my son I wonder if I did enough for him to want to do the same. That is what we live for and hope the best all in the same. It comes in knowing our children and it is in watching the new lives that come with every start of Spring, remember it has to be something that is accessible to every human being. That’s what makes us human is the appreciation of all life but there is always the possibility that you can be moved to crossing over onto the dark side.

It has to exist. Just like there is good there has to be evil and all the things in between. It is what distinguishes us from being human and it is the difference that makes us want to choose to do the right thing. We believe that there is value in life in ALL life so we wouldn’t want anybody to feel pain or anything else. I think they call that compassion, but it can also be a million other emotions that are out there.

Who we are spiraling towards is a million miles from where we need to be. To a time where life was much simpler, and we could believe in it all as far as our eyes can see. There was no gratification to come out of destroying others never mind ourselves. What we wanted we could only accomplish together never mind all the time wasted spent doing everything else.

I wish life was easier and that it all somehow would eventually make sense but all we can honour is the truth that comes alive deep inside of us when we are all alone and content with ourselves. Maybe it doesn’t come so often but as long as we always keep on giving it a try, there is no telling when death is coming and there is no reason to always want to run and hide. I know there is this sense of not understanding or even wanting to know where it is that we all will end up when it is that we decide to finally go.

Imagine a lifetime spent wasted when there is so much to do instead of running off to hide. I know here there are beings who are always sent to oppose you it seems but that is when the true self-preservation really kicks in. Know your truth and what you stand for and pay all others no mind. It won’t make sense to the demons in life who are out there trying to torment you it is up to you and your faith to decide if you will believe all of their lies.

So do onto others as you would have done onto you because sooner or later you will be alone and there isn’t much you can do. Did you strive to keep those close to you when you should have hit ignore or did you keep others around for too long when you should have kindly showed them to the door. Not everybody in life will have your best interest at heart so it is up to you to decipher is truthful and who needs to be ripped from limb and torn apart.

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