I think the hardest thing we will have to come across in this lifetime is coming to a place of acceptance that our loved ones are gone. The idea that we may just never talk or feel their presence ever again is enough to drive us entirely insane. We think about the good moments of their lives, when they graduated, walked down the aisle and the day the held their first born all seems to not matter as those memories are now fading away.

I want to scream into the bleak abyss that is our future because I am terrified of all the things that are to come. One day instead of being 43 laughing with my 5-year-old I will be gasping for air with my 43-year-old as I age out gasping for air. I get trapped in this moment of wanting to take it all in and stopping any sort of negativity that always has a way of coming for me. Why can’t we know what is going to happen to us? It doesn’t seem fair that we have to live a life in the dark this way.

Ignorance is bliss until it slaps you in the face then all you want to do is hide in the shadows and wait until it slowly scampers itself away. One day we are filled with so much youth and promise then we are being tagged at the toes, never to be seen or heard from again where we are being led off to nobody knows. It’s not that nobody wants to know it’s just nobody tells us a damn thing. I think it is information we aren’t privy to now, so we just have to shut up and let the ignorance sing.

They tell you if you live anywhere else but the present that you might just be going insane and what I can tell you from living anywhere but there is what they all have been saying is what I know finally believe. When I think about my past or anybody’s past for that matter, I can’t help but feel incredibly sad. One day my life will all be forgotten including all the trials and tribulations that had made me who I am, and I think that very thought is what brings me right to my news. I don’t want to blame anybody for who I am and how I got here. I want to be the enigma that makes it through this mess and make it onto the other side.

When you experience and remember life like I do it becomes hard to see it as any other way. I have this misguided belief that we are all entitled to a life free of pain and misery but then there is this evil that walks among us that tries to have the final say. Tempting us with a lifestyle that will awaken any demon before dawn I chose to run away, isolating myself from those that may in turn hurt me so I can live and survive another day.

Think about how easier life was before we got all these ideas stuck in our head. You have to want to be somebody at the end of the day because time is ticking and one day, we will find ourselves dead. No longer able to succumb to our own wishes our satisfaction we become a vessel for the crows to feed on before we are dead. I don’t understand this obsession with prolonging the end of a life well lived like maybe we can find a way to escape out of it somehow in the end.

Here’s what I know for sure. Your worth doesn’t depreciate because somebody refuses to see your value. Maybe what is sacred about you isn’t meant for them we have just become too obsessive as an entity to try and deny it. We weren’t meant to be so subservient to any living being. I think that is where the energy has shifted in this timeline if you know what I mean.

We are either too whiny or too complacent and neither energy will ever do. What we need is the strength of our own mentality because that is what is needed to get through this lifetime and into the next realm of existence too. Where we are going as to be something that is obtainable to all, although not all will get to go there. It wouldn’t be fair for an entity who was so evil to light up the night sky to serve as a reminder. What we need to remember is all the good that has happened in this world and let all the hatred and anger go. Seems a little daunting doesn’t it as the threats of third World War seems to be nipping at our heels.

There’s that fear again. The idea that one man has the power to eliminate so many from this world makes me feel sick. I can’t imagine hating anybody enough to want to kill them now this man wants to make others suffer that are halfway across the world. Could you imagine killing your own people? What about your neighbours who lived across the street? The amount of violence that is always out there coming for us is alarming at least it is to me. I can’t imagine hating anybody enough to take away their future and their ability to ever see.

The hurt that comes with losing a loved one that you may never cross paths with again is heart wrenching. I like to believe that they are out there somewhere hopefully maybe they are up there watching over me. If that idea is even possible then I best be living a life that they could proud of so that I can hear the angels sing. I know it seems like a tall order to put out there put I need to believe that sometimes the goodness inside of all of us does finally one day win.