Are You Enough?

These days are becoming easier although they are becoming more complicated all in the same. It seems to avoid any of the insanity that threatens to interfere with the bonds of this family.

Living was meant to be easy wasn’t it? Come down to Earth and enjoy the fruits of your ancestors labour instead of grinding it into dust so that nobody could ever believe. That is what happens to some of our legacies. There is nothing we can do after we leave this place after all.

I think that is why it is so strange that we focus so hard on one human emotion. The one possible feeling that can cause us all to fall. I also think it is humorous the online life that so many of us portray pretending to be somebody when we are somebody else. There is something to be said for the beings that insist on living this way that I can’t help but wonder if they are happy living this way.

I am nobody to be believed or even to be followed but what my heart keeps telling me is to learn all that you can and share it with the world before you go away. Let it serve as a record for who you were and who you were trying to be just in case there is a chance that you can come back one day. That is where my thoughts go when we start talking about Doppelganger’s. Of course we have no record of who we used to be. Coming alive was never designed that way.

Imagine what could happen if we could tie all these lifetimes back together. I think that is why it is so bothersome how far away we keep on insisting we become. In the push to form some sort of identity we have began running in the opposite way. I just like to look at all the things that make us the same. We start the same. Born to what is hopefully loving parents once we get here all we can do is buckle ourselves in and enjoy the ride. I think that is why it is so important to be mindful of the company you keep, you don’t want somebody coming back at you trying to even out the score.

Just imagine how much value we instill onto some people. The same people who wouldn’t even season our steaks with salt. Chances are they wouldn’t even share the meal that they were given because they have made it all about them so there is no need to ever have to say no more. I never tried to pretend to be somebody that I wasn’t born to be and if I was made to be a certain way it is because I needed to be her in order to survive. I remember though what it felt like right before the innocence left my body and what it felt like to be refilled with rage.

In order to regain a resemblance of who I was supposed to be you have to truly ask yourself what is it that you love? Me? I do love life even though it is scary to me. It makes sense all things considering and I want to do more. I love my animals but I need to move on over towards plants. It’s not that I want to move on and forget about them. I want to bring more of these four walls back to life.

Who here remembers my book challenge? Remember that list of 40 books to read before you turn 40? I can’t remember how far I had made it down before COVID came around. I remember the pre program I had in my library list that got deleted when the library became closed. I guess I should look it up and figure out where I had left off but I feel like I need to specialize my knowledge instead of the broadness I had found myself on.

Do what you love and make it so you can make a living off of it right? Can I make a living off of plants and crystals and all the things that breathe me life? Maybe lol who knows but I made it this far so I am intrigued to see just how far this thing can go. I need to have direction in my life even though I haven’t held a steady job in years. I need to make this house a home and that means getting rid of all this clutter that has been building up for years. Fresh starts right? Require even cleaner homes. How can you get rid of the bad energy lingering around when there is nowhere for it to go?

Everything has a pattern and lord knows we all have a shape. What we do with what we have been given is all that we need to do even though it is far more than some of us can take. What I will never understand is that desire to leave this all behind. How can you barrel so fast into nothing, dropping everything you once loved on a dime. That is what I think will make me stop every time and catch my breath. I can’t believe that there is something that can over ride the love that I feel for every living being that resides in this house.

We were the misfits that society decided to throw away. When nobody wanted us we found a safe place to say. Call it what you will be there are no changing facts. I remember when I was 37 living in a small one bedroom apartment with only thing that I had to talk was my two cats. I would work my few jobs then go immediately home. I couldn’t keep on doing what I was doing because it was never going to work. I executed what those who are successful like to tell you. Live the life like you were already living it, fill the void with positive energy and let the negativity begin to slip away. You can only do so much and your best is more than good enough. You are a valuable asset in this time frame and that is the truth.

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